A Mate
by Awe
Summary: RS slash. Remus is confronted by a big problem, his wolf side keens for a mate and the only way to keep himself sane is to find one. Yet the only person Remus could even contemplate as a lifepartner could never be his, could he? COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** This story is mine, however, the world and characters it's based on belong to J.K Rowling.

**Warnings:** This story is **slash** and therefore focuses on a male/male love pairing (Remus and Sirius); there will also be detailed sexual scenes. This fic takes into account HBP, and has been edited accordingly (but doesn't really give anything away from the book).

**Rating:** R (M)

**Summary:** Remus Lupin has always kept secrets. It was necessary – any other alternative was inconceivable. But with the beginning of the fifth year of Hogwarts, Remus has acquired a new secret, one that is to change his whole life, again. Herein lies a Sirius/Remus slash romance that expands on the clichéd werewolf 'mating' situation. How will Remus cope when his wolf side keens for the one person who could never be his?

**Betas:** I give many thanks to **Venny **and** Veronica** who are my brilliant betas for this fic!

**Authors Notes:** I have made a few changes, the biggest one being that I've replaced Lucius with Evan Rosier, as it wasn't cannon to have Lucius in Hogwarts at that period of time (you'll have to excuse the Lily/James but that is needed for plot purposes) there was also the fact that Lucius didn't really fit well in the role. I'm sorry about this, as those of you who have read the story before may be a little confused, but I won't be messing with it any more, promise. Enjoy reading!

* * *

**A Mate**

**Prologue  
**  
It was always the same.

First, the flesh would start to shiver as if the body lacked warmth – shuddering tremors of expectation. A flaming temperature burns the trembling form, and whimpers are drawn from the small body. Heat and pain then blend when the flesh twists, bones crack and muscles contort, as the change starts. Hair sprouts all over, and the face stretches into a snout that snorts in agony and panic. Feral golden eyes flash as desperate howls are wrenched from a place deep inside where only primitive instinct lies.

Then the pain stops as the new shape takes over, stretching and sniffing in the near dark; re-affirming the familiar prison.

Confusion first, then a rage so hot it can almost be seen through those wild gold eyes.

Anger at the cage, anger at the scent of unreachable freedom, and now a new anger - at the loneliness, and at the deep set knowledge that without that freedom, there would never be the one thing that was longed for more than anything else.

A mate.

-

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 1

**A Mate**

**Chapter 1: An Unexpected Change**

Remus stared at himself in the mirror with increasing panic.

What the hell had happened?

He looked into eyes that had merged from brown to amber and touched his long shaggy hair, noting again that there was that golden tint added to his previously plain– looking locks. The most obvious change (and the most annoying) was how much he'd suddenly grown. He was now almost as tall as his best friend Sirius. His limbs and torso had stretched, making him appear lithe and slender. Yet, despite how good his new lean body looked, he could hardly move without tripping over himself, being unused to these different proportions.

He tried to turn around, but proved his earlier observation correct and stumbled. He ended up lying sprawled on the floor, until someone opened his bedroom door – most likely at the loud noise he'd caused.

"Remus, what are you... Oh, Merlin!"

Remus winced at his mother's shock and he looked up at her helplessly from the floor.

"Mum, could you please help me up? I can't seem to move very well at the moment," he asked her quietly.

"Wh-What happened honey?" she asked her son, as she hesitantly helped him to his bed. "You look, different..."

"I just woke up like it," Remus said miserably.

Liana Lupin's calm demeanour disappeared, and she slowly put her face into her hands as she sat next to Remus.

"I think I'd better call your father," his mother said, that horrible hint of almost ancient sadness in her voice.

How he despised that tone. It was only used when they talked of his... condition.

"Jon, I think you should come up here," Remus' mum called his father.

Remus crawled to the top of the bed and curled up, wrapping his long arms around himself. He wondered why it had to be now that something weird was happening to him. Everything was just starting to go so well. His friends were nearly finished becoming Animagi, and soon they'd be able to join him in his lonely transformations. Remus felt so grateful he had such good friends. Their loyalty and support when they'd found out what he was had shocked him, as he had been sure that he would be shunned.

The Marauders were now like his brothers, and over the four years he'd been at Hogwarts, he had never been happier. The young werewolf almost hadn't wanted to go back for the Christmas break to his parents, but seeing as it was his sixteenth birthday as well as Christmas, he thought they'd be disappointed if he hadn't gone home. He did miss Sirius, James and Peter but he'd had a really nice Christmas and birthday, being owled his presents and cards from his friends, whom were all home as well.

And now this.

He had just turned sixteen years old, and now it seemed that puberty had finally decided to pounce on him. He wasn't exactly unhappy that he'd finally changed from the eleven-year-old body he'd been stuck in for the past five years, but this strange jump confused and worried him.

"What's the matter Liana?" his dad asked, coming into his bedroom.

"It's happened, Jon." She gestured to Remus and his father sighed when he saw him, not seeming to be very surprised at Remus' sudden change.

"You _knew_ this would happen?" Remus asked his parents anxiously.

Remus had thought his parents respected him enough to not keep things from him any more; to not treat him like a child. They remarked often enough he was sometimes too mature. He'd heard them with his sensitive ears in the nights he spent at home discuss his oddly adult attitude with something close to unease. So why did they believe he wouldn't be able to deal with this situation?

Unless...

"The Registry Office directed us to a help group when we told them you weren't growing like a normal child. They said it was rare for children under the age of sixteen to be bitten, but the ones who were..." His mother trailed off and tears appeared in her eyes.

Remus became increasingly anxious as he watched his father's face contort with sadness and gently wrap a comforting arm around his mother, comforting her as Remus couldn't – through touch. Remus didn't like to be touched; he found it uncomfortable and intrusive. He'd overheard a Ministry official informing his parents when he was younger, that werewolves were sensitive to scent, and so his instincts would be to stay away from humans, as their scent was one that was particularly overwhelming. If a human touched a werewolf often, then their scent would become intertwined with the werewolf's scent, and if marred with that human scent then the werewolf would be allowing a kind of 'claim'. This was something, the official had said quietly, that _they_ didn't find acceptable. His parents therefore avoided contact with him, although Remus sometimes felt it was more to do with fear of the wolf than to entertain any preference of his.

"So, what's happening to me?" Remus asked his parents slowly, trying to keep calm.

"Well, we don't know the details, they wouldn't really explain much the last time we contacted them. Seeing as we are going to the Registry Office tomorrow for you to be registered, we may as well ask what it is that's going on."

"So this is all because I'm a werewolf?" Remus asked them, ignoring his parents' winces at the word. "What did the Registry Office say before?"

"Well, like your father said we don't-"

"Liana, we may as well stop babying him. As we can all see he definitely isn't a child any longer," Remus' father said gruffly. "Remus, what we were told before may not be true now, but they said that children bitten before maturing had a very short life span. Six months after they hit puberty, when they suddenly change from child to adult, the person concerned slowly goes insane and usually dies soon after."

"Oh... oh," Remus said blankly.

-

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 2

**A Mate**

**Chapter 2: Explanations  
**  
Remus kept close to his parents as they walked into the Werewolf Registry Office. It was the wolf's instinct to stay with familiar people in times when it felt threatened, and at that moment, Remus felt almost vulnerable enough to grab his mother's hand, damning her fearful reaction and his own discomfort.

He glanced around at the shabby office with its few, yet just as shabby people. The only others in the room, aside from Remus and his parents, were two rather ill– looking men and a cheery old woman who was dressed in a bright rainbow– coloured robe. One man sat in the corner of the office and kept coughing loudly, his coat collar pulled up to hide everything except his dark, shifty eyes. The other man was wearing a tattered Muggle suit and he sat with his head hanging down, looking completely miserable.

Remus gloomily reflected that at least, he wouldn't live long enough to look like these older unhappy werewolves. He shook the dark thoughts from his mind as they approached the desk where the strangely colorful witch sat, beaming at them as they stood before her.

"How may I help you?" Her lined face crinkled up even more as she smiled widely.

"We're, ah, well, our son, he's here to be registered," Remus' father said, looking a little ill at ease.

"Oh right, let me see – were you just bitten then, young man?" the woman asked, putting on her spectacles as she pulled out a large file.

"No m'am, I was bitten eleven years ago," Remus answered quietly.

"Oh, I see."

Remus fidgeted nervously under the woman's piteous stare.

"You would be... Mr. Lupin, correct?" she asked as she looked at a particular page in her files.

"Yes."

"You'd better come with me dear, we've been expecting you. I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind staying here?"

Remus' parents agreed quickly, taking the other's hand as they sat down together.

"Now, if you'll just follow me, Mr. Lupin." The woman smiled, as she bustled over to the door and opened it for him.

Remus hesitated, if he went with her he'd be separated from the comfort of his parents. Yet he knew he needed to continue if he was to learn how (or even if) he was going to survive past the next six months. He straightened his back and scolded himself – what kind of Gryffindor was he? If this had been Sirius or James (perhaps not Peter) they wouldn't even hesitate.

He quickly walked after the older woman who was already walking out of the office. The woman led him down a number of corridors that were full of harassed–looking wizards and witches, none of them glanced at the nervous boy and his merry guide. When the woman finally ushered him into a small, dimly-lit room he grew anxious. He recognised the scents of many werewolves and a faded trace of fear.

"If you'll just sit down he'll be with you in a minute."

Remus had no idea who 'he' was and would have asked, had the witch not disappeared when he looked back at the door. He sighed and resigned himself to his fate, something he'd gotten rather good at over the years. Remus sat on the slightly unstable wooden chair opposite a second one on the other side of an ancient-looking desk. He then turned his eyes to the doorway and waited apprehensively.

He didn't have to wait long as, in the next moment the door opened with a bang and a figure strode in purposefully. Then, just as quickly as the door had opened, the man tripped over and the papers in his hands flew about the room.

"Oh, damn it!"

Remus looked at the cursing grey head as the man picked up the papers furiously.

"Are you, um, all right, sir?" he asked hesitantly.

The man looked up at him, annoyed.

"Well don't just _look_ boy – help me for Merlin's sake!"

Remus jumped up from the chair at the oddly-commanding voice and collected the papers. He held them out to the other man who took them all with a sigh.

"Thank you. Right, my name's Ulric Charms, and you're Remus Lupin?" the man asked, throwing him a calculating glance.

"Yes." The young boy nodded, a little uncomfortable with the way the man was scrutinising him.

"Well, I've been sent here to make sure you get all the relevant information and – what?" Ulric stopped at the boy's odd look. "I'm not an excessively friendly woman trying to make a difference? No, I'm not one of their recruited Miss. Charities, obviously. I was specifically asked to see you, I don't do this for everyone y'know," the man said grimly.

"Why?" Remus frowned.

"I'd have thought it was obvious by now boy – I'm a werewolf, and as I was in the same predicament as yourself, they thought it would all be better coming from me. Though, if you ask me they just don't like to be reminded of this side of our wonderful curse."

Remus wasn't surprised at the man's revelation, as he had sensed something familiar. The wolf recognised the other man, as it had also sensed the other two men in the Registry Office as fellow werewolves. Yet this 'special treatment' was disturbing him. To the extent of his knowledge, when a person was bitten and they were over sixteen years (or turned sixteen years and were already werewolves) they had to register as a werewolf at the ministry. Remus had been informed that he'd just need to fill in a couple of forms and perhaps have a brief talk with some help group woman from the Support Services, but this...

"What makes me so different?" Remus asked warily.

"Right to the point then!" the older werewolf said with a grin. "You remember your last transformation? It was a week ago."

Remus nodded.

"Can you recall anything about it that was different?"

"No, not really, it was more or less-"

"Just stop for a moment and think, to remember what the wolf did on the transformation nights is sometimes hard. All you need to do is clear your mind and let the wolf in, and yes, I know you've been taught not to do that but you must, it's important," Charms said sternly as Remus was about to object.

The boy studied the man suspiciously, wondering if he really ought to let the wolf through. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, to Remus Lupin even just a little loss of control was a most terrible thing. Charms looked at him intently, and when Remus finally acquiesced with a nod, the boy thought a look of relief crossed the older man's face.

Remus took a deep breath and let down some of the strongest walls that he had built to keep the wolf's wild lusts away form his consciousness. The wolf was there, ready, and Remus gasped at the horrifying emotions that attacked him. The last full moon came back to Remus and he was flooded once again with the wolf's pure pain. All he could feel was loss and rage. A piercing scream of loneliness ripped through his entire being, leaving him feeling numb and lost.

"Ah, so you do remember it then?" Ulric asked when he saw the subtle shift of Remus' emotions.

The boy nodded, unable to speak as he struggled to hold back the wolf's intense feelings, and tried to stop the tears that pricked at his eyes. Remus now understood why the wolf had ripped him up so badly that night.

"You're lucky you have me to prompt you to remember it. It took months of hell before the wolf's message got through to me – I was eighteen years old at the time. You seem to have experienced the change early, younger than most anyway," Charms said critically.

"So what – what does this mean? How is the wolf's loneliness linked to my death?" Remus asked a little strained as he was still struggling with his emotions, trying not to break down in front of this man. That would have been seen as weak, and wolves did not appreciate weaknesses. If he gave into his emotions the other man wouldn't have been very sympathetic.

"Unfortunately it has everything to do with your eventual death. I suppose your parents told you about that?"

Remus nodded and the man rolled his eyes.

"Ah yes, and wouldn't they all just be happier if each and every one of us did die?" the other werewolf said, suddenly bitter.

"My parents love me, they wouldn't-"

"Your parents are human Remus, you are not," Charms said harshly, then softened at the boy's stricken look.

"I'm sorry, but let's not pretend in this room. We know what we are, and it's a rare soul who can look at us and accept this, and it's exactly that rareness of acceptance that you must find," the man said gently. "I'm sorry Remus, but yes you do only have six months to live. The reason for this is because when the wolf matures so suddenly, it becomes an adult. As an adult the wolf is concerned with mostly one thing – finding a mate. If you don't find a mate within the six-month period, the wolf's pain of isolation will drive both itself and you insane and you will very likely die. Most werewolves just give up, not having the will to go on, others eventually kill themselves in the transformation."

"So... I need to fall in love?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Not only fall in love, the person has to reciprocate your feelings. After you, ah, consummate the relationship, you will be mated for life. Then you and your partner will be joined through a link that will never be broken for the rest of your lives."

"This has all got to happen in six months, or else I'll die?" Remus asked again, trying to take it all in.

"Oh yes. Don't worry, it's not as impossible as it seems, so don't look so gloomy. As I said, I was in this exact position before, only then the Ministry nor anyone else knew why some werewolves past eighteen and a half years died, they thought it was natural – natural! They didn't even bother to find out the reason. So after I'd been told to expect death in six months, I tried so hard to find some way to stop it. I researched everything anyone had ever written on werewolves until one day I found the answer, and it didn't come from those books but from myself.

I had read until late into the night and had fallen asleep, exhausted. Then I woke from a terrible nightmare. It seemed the wolf had finally broken through to my dreams, being able to do so because of the tired state I was in, and I finally felt its pain. Now, I rationalised that this may have been the very reason why I was going to die. And so, for the first time in my life, I went against what everyone said since I was bitten at nine years old, and listened to the wolf.

A few months later, I found my mate – she was perfect and she accepted me for who I was and agreed to be my partner. I told her about the possibility of my death, but she loved me enough to stay with me. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I didn't drop dead! The wolf was content, so there was no dark ending for me. Since then, I've tried to help as many young werewolves as possible."

Remus frowned as he thought about Ulric's story and worry gnawed at him.

"But I - I've never really thought about girls. I've never felt anything for anyone so how can I-"

"Remus, there is no need to worry. It's natural for werewolves not to mature sexually until after the change. I'm sure you'll soon find that you'll begin to have a lot more adult tendencies." The man smiled.

Remus didn't really like the sound of that but sighed, supposing he'd just have to accept it.

"So that's it, is it? The next six months of my life should be spent looking for a mate?" Remus asked unhappily.

"Don't force it. It won't help if you do that, and you may end up bonding yourself to someone you don't really love. You need to be _absolutely_ _certain_ Remus, as after all, it will be for the rest of your life."

Remus sighed again and nodded.

"Now if you'll just fill these out, you can go, something that I'm sure you want to do. This place has a bad smell to it." Ulric shuddered.

Remus filled out the forms, and after the man left wishing him good luck, he walked blankly back to his parents.

"How did it go Remus?" his mother asked nervously as he stepped into the office.

-

His parents had taken the news fairly well, Remus reflected glumly. They seemed to have faith in his love life, he on the other hand thought otherwise.

Remus looked around at the crowded station and wondered where his friends were. The Hogwarts Express was waiting, and he wished they'd get here soon so he could get inside and away from the masses of students that made him feel so uneasy.

Remus stumbled back suddenly as a dark figure came to a halt in front of him.

"Well, well. And who are you?"

Remus suppressed a moan of frustration when he saw that the person in front of him was Evan Rosier, a Slytherin in the same year as himself and one who regularly got into fights with the Marauders. In the first year Rosier had been especially cruel towards him while they were partnered in potions; Remus never had got over that simmering dislike of the smug prat. A few Slytherins had accompanied him and now formed a small semi-circle around Remus and his luggage, completely blocking his way.

"Are you an exchange student then?" Rosier asked, his cold gaze sweeping up and down Remus' figure with barely disguised hunger.

Remus looked at him in open-mouthed shock – didn't he recognise him?

"Well, whoever you are, you are very welcome to join my fellow Slytherins and I on the train. I'm sure we could all have some fun with that sexy little arse of yours," Rosier whispered seductively in his ear.

Remus gasped and took a step back, his face flushing brightly. Evan Rosier was coming on to him? He'd never felt so horrified in his life as he did right then.

"Hey Rosier, I've got a better idea – why don't you sod off and leave him alone?" A familiar voice rang out angrily, and Remus smiled as he recognised Sirius striding purposefully towards them.

"Stay out of this, Black. Why don't you go and find your own little _fuck buddy_, Potter, instead of bothering me with mine?" Rosier sneered as Sirius glanced from Remus to Rosier. Sirius' gaze stopped on Remus for a while before he shook himself and went back to arguing with Rosier.

"He's not my 'fuck buddy', and I'm sure this boy doesn't want to be yours," Sirius growled angrily.

'This _boy'_? Remus looked at Sirius in astonishment when he realised his friend must not have recognised him as well. Had he really changed so drastically?

Sirius noticed Remus' shocked glance and suddenly looked uncertain.

"Unless you do...?" Sirius said hesitantly, frowning a little.

Remus blushed as he remembered what Sirius and Rosier had been arguing about and shook his head, looking everywhere except at the two boys.

"Well, there you have it, now shove off Rosier!"Sirius shouted cheerfully.

"You don't know what you're missing," Rosier snarled at Remus as he stalked off, the Slytherins trailing after him as soon as they'd made certain to glare at them both threateningly enough.

Sirius laughed loudly at that and watched them go with a wild grin, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Always have to get involved don't you, Sirius?" Remus asked, amused at his friend.

Sirius turned around in shock at the familiar voice.

"Bloody hell, _REMUS_?"

-

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 3

**A Mate**

**Chapter 3: Reactions**

Remus had at first found his friend's speechlessness amusing, but now after finding an empty carriage on the train with Sirius as the only other occupant, he was starting to get a little annoyed.

"Sirius!" Remus snapped, exasperated.

"Wh-"

"It's not that much of a difference. Honestly, you're looking at me as if I've grown a second head!"

"Well, you _do_ look different Moony. Anyone can see that," Sirius said defensively.

The door was suddenly flung open and James and Peter rushed in, laughing.

"I thought I heard you tw-" James stopped his cheerful greeting at the sight of Remus, and when Peter saw the other boy he also stared.

"Er... Remus?" James asked hesitantly, looking between Sirius and Remus.

Sirius gave Remus a smug smile of 'I told you so', and Remus miserably put his face in his hands.

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus mumbled.

"Remus... you haven't been playing with any special potions, or some new charms lately have-"

"James, believe me, I don't want this. I'd be perfectly happy to go back to being me," Remus said, looking up at his friend.

James smiled and nodded understandingly.

"So why the change? Is it because you're a werewolf?" Sirius asked curiously.

Remus had always liked Sirius' blunt way of talking. He had never been afraid to say 'werewolf', he never shied away from Remus, unlike his parents... Yet Remus realised Sirius' curiosity in his 'change' had to be stopped. Remus didn't really think it fair if his friends found out about the condition. They would just worry and try to help, and this was something Remus had to solve on his own.

"Um yeah, a growth spurt is all, it's kind of frustrating. By the way, Sirius thanks for the help with Rosier," Remus said, changing the subject rather swiftly.

"What about Rosier?" James asked quickly, his eyes narrowing at the name of the Slytherin.

"He was just bugging Remus. Those Slytherins had better watch out this year, Rosier has already got me angry enough for another term," Sirius growled.

Remus' heart jumped a little at Sirius' growl and he wondered at his reaction. He looked at Sirius and noticed that he too had changed a little over the Christmas holidays. Of course, the change was not as extreme as himself, but it was enough to set his heart pounding oddly.

Sirius had grown, something that Remus was a little annoyed at – wouldn't he ever stop growing? Remus had thought he'd be the same height as his friend, but the other boy was still a little taller. Sirius' dark hair was longer and wilder– looking as it hung down around his handsome face, complementing his lean figure perfectly... _handsome_? Remus flushed slightly at the strange thought.

"You okay, Rem?" Peter asked Remus suddenly.

He nodded quickly to Peter, when the boy knocked him out of his dream-state.

"Sirius is right, no holding back this term." James grinned.

Remus rolled his eyes in amusement at James' enthusiasm, and smiled when Sirius whooped.

-

Remus entered the great hall with his eyes locked to the floor, the pink tinge of embarrassment still colouring his face. As the four friends sat down at the Gryffindor table, he quickly glanced up to see if the horrible situation was the same.

It was.

Almost everyone was staring at him. The Hogwarts' students were giggling and whispering as they looked in his direction – some even pointed! Remus shifted uncomfortably and sighed. He could easily hear his name echoing around the hall even without the benefit of his lupine hearing.

Sirius grinned at his friend's obvious discomfort.

"What's the matter Remus?" Sirius whispered innocently.

Remus just glared at him, while James and Peter laughed.

"Aw, come on, don't be like that. It was a great prank!"

Remus carried on glaring as Sirius pouted.

"You'd just have gotten as much attention if I hadn't done it, and besides when all those people started asking who you were on the train, it got annoying."

Remus silently agreed with that, but still ignored Sirius.

"Please forgive me? Puhleeeeeeaaase? Please Moony?" Sirius pleaded with his puppy eyes, using his friend's nickname to try to win him over.

Remus softened slightly. How was he supposed to stay mad when the other boy was doing, doing _that_? Sirius was pulling the most adorable expression, batting his eyelashes and pouting sadly as he tried to get Remus to forgive him.

"Alright, but next time try to have a little more self control?" Remus begged softly.

Sirius gave Remus a brilliant smile, and Remus rolled his eyes while he tried to hide his blush.

He was still a little irritated at Sirius' 'announcement' of him though. They must have made quite a spectacle when - complete with fireworks and a loud Singing Charm - the students of Hogwarts had watched gobsmacked as Sirius Black suddenly leapt out of the carriage the four had been travelling in, with Remus Lupin in his arms. Remus hadn't had any time to struggle out of his friend's hold on him, when the dark-haired boy had picked him up with a roguish grin. Remus remembered there had been that odd little jolt in his chest again at that. He'd been so concerned with it, he'd forgotten that this was Sirius Black who was carrying him, and that nothing the boy ever did was without some kind of mischievous purpose.

Sirius, always the centre of attention, had jumped in front of the crowd of returning students and abruptly announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my deepest pleasure to introduce you to the post-pubescent Remus Lupin!"

That was when the fireworks and the Singing Charm had gone off. Remus suspected James for the fireworks but the other boy had kept an almost innocent expression on his face the whole time (as he was always up to something, James could never have a _fully_ innocent expression).

All in all, it had been quite embarrassing, especially because of the rather blatant lustful looks some of his schoolmates were sending him. He'd silently cursed Sirius and his obsession with gaining people's attention, and had quickly dragged his friends into the Great Hall.

Remus looked around and finally relaxed when he saw everyone was now watching Dumbledore, who was about to make his welcome speech. Remus grinned at the cheerful headmaster. He liked the man despite his seemingly eccentric attitudes; after all if it hadn't been for Dumbledore, he'd never have been accepted into Hogwarts.

"Welcome back students to another term at Hogwarts. Now first as always, I'd like to remind you that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds. Also students should be in their dorms by the curfew – Mr. Filch has kindly reminded me of recent past events and thought it would be a good idea to warn those of you with the inclination to wander about the school, that he will be on constant guard." Here Dumbledore glanced at Remus' small group, his eyes twinkling as all four boys sank down guiltily in their seats. "I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!"

Dumbledore sat down cheerfully and the food appeared. Soon the students began to eat and chatter excitedly.

"I told you Filch wasn't going to let that go," James pointed out as they started to eat.

"Well, it was a hole in the wall James," Remus said a little reproachfully.

"Yeah, but we didn't mean for it to be that big of an explosion, if Sirius had-"

"Don't start that again James, _you_ said we had to use ten of them," Sirius said.

"Well, yeah... but it was fun wasn't it?" James grinned manically at Sirius who laughed with the same deadly mischief shining in his eyes.

"Even though we got a month of detention, the Zonko's-Extra-Explosive-Filibuster-Fireworks-Incident was the best thing we did last year," Peter added excitedly.

"And the most stupid," added a female voice.

James suddenly stiffened before he smoothly ruffled his hair and smiled at the redhead who looked at the four with guarded amusement. Sirius sniggered at his friend's reaction and exchanged a knowing smile with Remus.

"Hullo Lily, enjoyed your Christmas?" James asked politely.

Remus carefully watched Lily's reaction to James. The boy had fallen for her in their first year, but she had always looked down at him and refused to even talk to him (unless it was an insult). Before the end of last term, Remus had gently advised his friend that it would probably be best for him not to call her 'Evans', and be a little more polite with her, if he wanted to win her over. James had blinked and smiled at Remus, looking a little unsure if it would work.

Remus wasn't surprised to see his advice working, he'd watched the two long enough to know that they both genuinely liked each other. The only thing getting in the way of their inevitable relationship was their misguided approach. Lily looked a little startled at James' sudden change of attitude but recovered quickly.

"Why yes I did James thank you, how about you?"

"It was great, I got a new broom." James grinned at her, surprised when she replied.

Lily hesitantly smiled at the excited boy.

"Well done Moony," Sirius murmured under his breath.

Remus gave a little smile. His friend finally had at least a chance of getting the one he loved. Now if only _he_ could find someone before it was too late...

-

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 4

**A Mate**

**Chapter 4: Things Better Left Unsaid**

That night Remus woke with a gasp, finding his throat sore. He must have been crying in his dreams again. Remus lay there in his sweat-soaked sheets and shuddered as he remembered his dream.

He'd been running in the forest in wolf-form and the wolf had seemed even more violent than usual, stopping occasionally to snarl its madness at the moon that ruled it. Suddenly, there had been a strange scent the wolf had recognised as human. Out of the trees, Sirius appeared in front of him, a sad smile on his face. The wolf had howled in triumph, then pounced...

"Remus?" a voice whispered softly in the dark.

Remus tried to pretend he was asleep - Sirius didn't need to worry about him. True, he hadn't had such a violent nightmare since he was first bitten as a child but he was okay. Remus hated to think he was a nuisance to anyone, and as Sirius, James and Peter already seemed to be worried about his usual monthly transformations and the torn up way in which he returned, he didn't think it was fair to load more worries onto them.

Remus knew why he had that dream. It had something to do with his maturing, he was sure of it. The only thing that puzzled him was why Sirius had been there...

His curtains parted and he looked up to face Sirius' concern.

"Remus. Are you all right?" Sirius asked, searching his friend's face.

"I'm fine, why?" Remus asked, not meeting Sirius' grey eyes.

"You were screaming."

"Was I? I'm sorry."

Sirius studied the tawny haired boy and sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get an answer from him.

"It's okay... Moony, if you ever want to talk I'm here, y'know?"

Remus smiled.

"I know, thank you."

Sirius hesitated for a moment but then turned and went back to his own bed.

Remus closed his eyes with a small frown, wondering why he felt a strange sense of loss when Sirius left.

-

The first weeks back at Hogwarts passed in a blur, the extra work piled on by the professors made the days almost seem to disappear. Everything was mainly the same – McGonagall was still as stern as ever, the first years were just as excitable, and the Slytherins just as bad.

One thing that was different was James. Ever since the polite conversation with Lily, the two had slowly become closer. Both of them had shyly spent more and more time with each other until Lily had finally announced, "Enough of this procrastinating James Potter! You can consider me your girlfriend now, so will you just bloody kiss me already?"

Sirius had teased the poor boy mercilessly for days after Evans' speech, which just so happened to be said in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room. Yet the two were now the happiest Remus had ever seen them. This, if nothing else, reminded Remus of his own task, which was where everything had started to go wrong.

It was one morning in the great hall when he first noticed something not quite right. He gazed around at the people having breakfast and looked to see if any particular girl caught his eye. It felt really weird to be doing that. Almost like choosing prey, Remus noted absently, but then quickly shook _that_ thought from his head. A mate, he was looking for a mate, not food! He frowned slightly after a minute of surveying the crowds - no one really piqued his interest. That was a little odd-

"Are you okay, Remus?"

Remus turned and smiled at Lily, she had become quite close to the Marauders now that she'd finally overcome her dilemma with James. She was surprisingly very nice towards the other three, well a little less towards Sirius. Sirius' mischievous attitude seemed unable to win Lily over as he had with so many others. Remus quietly admitted to himself that it was amusing to find someone so impervious to Sirius' charms.

"Yes, I think I am. Just a little tired perhaps."

"I hope you boys weren't up playing all last night, after we'd gone to bed," Lily said sternly.

"Siri was rather adamant that we finish the game, it didn't finish until late last night so the others are probably only just waking up now." Remus grinned, remembering last night's big chess challenge.

Of course it was James who had won, the boy just couldn't be beaten. However, Remus had come a close second, he remembered Sirius cheering him on and smiled.

Lily tutted but smiled indulgently. She did like the boys very much, James more than the rest of course, but Remus with his soft eyes and shy smiles had always brought out an odd protectiveness in her. She grinned as she suddenly remembered the conversation she'd had yesterday with one of her friends from Ravenclaw, and excitedly turned to Remus.

"No," Remus said, smiling faintly.

"What?" Lily asked.

"No, to whatever it is you're planning," Remus said.

"I'm not planning anything!" Lily pretended to be affronted, but at Remus' sceptical look she laughed. "Okay, so maybe I am, but it won't get you into any trouble, promise. I just wanted to know what you though of Pearl Johnson."

Remus cocked his head and frowned at the strange question, after all who didn't know what everyone thought of Pearl Johnson? She was a slender blonde with large blue eyes and red pouty lips. Every boys' wet dream, or so he'd been told. No, the few of those Remus had experienced, he'd gotten the vague impression the person hadn't been blonde.

"I'm not really a blonde person," Remus said slowly after thinking.

"Really? That's a shame. Well, what about Olivia Patil?" Lily asked quickly, she had promised her friends to find out who it was this new and improved Remus Lupin liked, and she was determined to get an answer.

Again Remus frowned in thought, wondering why Lily was asking him this and why he was finding it so difficult. Olivia Patil was also another girl who was quite pretty, dark haired and lithe and yet...

"No, I don't think I like her either," Remus said before he could think about it further.

"You don't like either of the two prettiest girls in the school?" Lily asked speculatively.

Remus slowly shook his head.

"No, I don't think so, why are you asking me this Lily?"

"Well... You see some of my friends were interested in you, and wanted to know if they had a chance so..."

"Really?" Remus blinked, flushing slightly.

"Don't look so surprised Remus. If I was, well anyway... which lucky girl is it?"

"None," Remus said without thinking.

"Oh. So, you don't like girls then?" Lily asked wonderingly.

"Well, I don't fancy any girls," Remus answered, unsure of what she was getting at, when a strange look of glee crossed her face.

"So you're gay then?" Lily smiled. "That's great! I've been asked by a few boys about you, y'know."

"What! No, I'm not-"

"Look Remus, you said it yourself; You. Don't. Fancy. Girls," Lily said, then added quietly, "Have you actually ever fancied a girl before?"

"Well no, but there are reasons," Remus objected weakly, thinking of Charms' explanation of his adult 'hormones' only being activated recently.

He had expected to feel something by now though. His body certainly had started to act more... adult, he was constantly surprised by his odd reactions. Yet, if what Lily was saying was true, then they weren't as odd as he had thought, and as he felt more or less the same as before where girls were concerned then perhaps...

Yet the world wouldn't do this, would it? Surely, fate couldn't be so cruel as to make him gay… but even as he was thinking this, everything was becoming terribly clear. His fixation with the random male Quidditch player and his disinterest in the game was now dragged into the light and Remus winced.

Well, that's just marvellous. Not only was he a werewolf, he was a flippin' gay werewolf! Remus couldn't believe this. How long had he been gay?

As Remus sat stunned at this discovery, he was barely conscious of Lily's quiet reassurances.

"Remus? Remus! I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Remus snapped out of his shock and quickly smiled reassuringly at the distressed girl, hiding his own quiet breakdown as well as possible - which was possibly better than anyone else could.

"It's okay, you sort of caught me off guard with that little revelation. And you said what you had to say wouldn't get me in trouble," Remus teased her lightly.

Lily smiled hesitantly, "You're not upset?"

"No, just a little… shaken."

"I won't say anything," Lily said softly.

Remus closed his eyes and smiled gratefully at the sincerity he heard.

"Thanks."

"So, I guess you're not gonna go out with poor Pearl then?" Lily laughed.

"What? What about Pearl and Remus?" a voice asked confused.

Remus turned to see Sirius and James walking towards them with Peter trundling behind, and he smiled at his friend's nosiness.

"Nothing that concerns you, Black," Lily snorted.

Remus and Lily both watched with fond eyes as the two dark-haired boys came to sit on either side of them. Sirius sat next to Remus and James next to Lily, while Peter sat across from them all - his eyes locked to the food covered table.

"Aw, come on Lil, telllllll me! Remmie's my bwest fwiend, arwe you gonna take _him_ away too?" Sirius whined playfully.

Lily raised her eyebrows at him and said nothing. She then turned to give James a quick chaste morning kiss.

Sirius sat down, smiling at the display, and he lightly touched Remus' back reassuringly and Remus smiled at him. Ever since the nightmares had started, Sirius had appeared increasingly worried about him. Of course, Remus shook off his concern and told his friend (who appeared by his bedside after the nightmares) that it was nothing every night, but he still caught Sirius occasionally looking at him more than usual, as if to make sure the younger boy was okay.

Remus was flattered Sirius seemed to care so much about him but he still hadn't told him the reason why he was having the nightmares. Sirius knew something had changed, he just didn't know what. Remus intended to keep it that way, as Sirius had his own problems. The Black family was never easy to live with, and Remus had noted how little Sirius seemed to be able to tolerate them, and how irritated he seemed to get whenever someone brought them up. Remus worried about Sirius and knew the other boy didn't need his friend's problems to be added to that list.

Lily watched this small exchange and laughed softly, she'd gotten her answer it seemed. When James asked her what she was laughing about, she just shook her head at him, after all she had promised Remus and she always kept her promises.

-

It was a few days after, in History of Magic when Remus really gave thought to his odd realisation. He'd been putting it in the back of his mind since that breakfast, not wanting to admit what he'd already admitted. He even avoided Lily, as she only served to remind him of the event. But now he was bored, who in their right mind could be anything else in History of Magic? He was writing meticulous notes, of course, but his mind was elsewhere.

Last night had been another of those strange breaks in the nightmares, awaking in the morning sticky and confused. In these dreams, he usually only remembered a brief flash of naked skin and the wonderful new feeling of pleasure before the memory of the dreams completely faded. However this morning he'd remembered a little more of his dream–lover, he was definitely male with tanned skin and dark silky hair.

Remus blushed as he remembered the frightened state he'd been, the first time he'd had one of these dreams, and the slow realisation that this was one of the things his friends so regularly talked about yet he'd had no experience of.

"Now what could possibly be going on in that head of yours to make you flush so Mr. Moony?" a voice murmured in his ear.

Remus ducked his head and blushed even more as he saw Sirius' teasing grin. He glanced around the classroom to see if anyone else had noticed his odd lapse in concentration, but as usual Binns had more or less managed to get everyone into the normal, catatonic state. James was snoring slightly and Peter had a glazed expression on his face that was reserved for this particular lesson – it was quite amazing how many different glazed expressions a person could possibly have; yet Remus had so far observed in Peter at least five.

"It's nothing," Remus mumbled in answer to Sirius' teasing question.

Sirius smiled at his friend's embarrassment and suddenly tucked the tawny hair that had covered Remus' face, behind his small shell-like ears.

"'Kay, Moony."

Remus stiffened at the other's touch, feeling an odd warmth flood through his body. As Sirius' hand slowly fell from his hair he stifled a gasp, knowing his face was slowly but surely flushing with mortification because of the almost violent arousal Remus had just experienced – all because of his best friend's small caress. He was bewildered at his odd reaction and incredibly embarrassed.

"You okay, Remus?" Sirius asked suddenly.

"Yeah," Remus managed to croak out. "I- I'm fine, I'm just a little hot – er, it's probably because of, y'know, moon and all. I'm fine, never b-been better..." Remus babbled.

Sirius slowly nodded and gave the boy an odd look.

"Okay..."

Merlin, he was such an idiot. How could he have done that? Sirius was his best friend. Remus was mystified at his lust-filled reaction to the dark-haired boy. He'd never felt so much as a mild pull towards anyone before, but his fierce reaction to that small touch had been enough to make him ache. Remus cursed and muffled a mournful laugh when he realised what this had meant.

"Remus? Are you sure you're all right? You look a bit pale."

"I'm... yes. I'm going to go get some air," Remus said dazedly, and then proceeded to walk straight out of the classroom, Binns' monotonous lecture not even breaking its stride as the ghost continued to drone on.

Remus walked slowly outside the castle with a bitter expression on his face. Of course he was gay and the only person he'd ever had a reaction to would be Sirius, that was just how the world worked. Remus Lupin, the dying werewolf; the queer, dying werewolf; the queer, dying werewolf that liked his very _straight_ best friend.

"Bloody hell," Remus mumbled as he slumped down on one of the Hogwarts garden walls.

He ran his fingers through his long hair and sighed, watching in fascination as his breath came out as a white whisp of smoke in the cold Spring air.

This was going to be painful.

-

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 5

**A Mate**

**Chapter 5: Avoidance**

Remus had decided. It was a simple solution really - the easiest way. Perhaps the only way.

He was going to avoid Sirius.

How else could he possibly face him otherwise? It had been two days since he'd walked out of History of Magic and Remus knew that it was the only way to keep Sirius as his friend – in a bizarre, twisted kind of way.

Remus glanced at his friend and hastily looked away as he saw Sirius already gazing at him questioningly. He knew something was wrong. Remus had hardly said two words to him since he'd left Binns' class and Sirius was obviously worried. It was near the end of Transfigurations and Remus was thankful for that. Professor McGonagall had been giving them an incredible amount of work lately and even Remus – ever the eager academic - was struggling with the workload.

When McGonagall had finally told them to pack up, Remus sighed in relief. He quickly put everything in his small leather bag and was about to dash out of the room when someone grabbed his robe, and he was jerked to a sudden stop. He turned and looked up at the constraining arm to see that it was Sirius. The other boy frowned as Remus jumped back from his touch. It was _not_ something Remus needed right now. Sirius being in sight was enough to fluster him, touching him made him increasingly, er, flustered...

"Where are you off to so quickly?" Sirius asked him, James looking over the boy's shoulder curiously to also watch Remus.

Remus looked around the nearly deserted classroom for inspiration and, seeing Lily making her way out of the room with a distracted expression, sighed in relief.

"Oh. I, er... promised Lily to help her with the Potions essay and... um... was just heading over to- to the library," Remus lied nervously, Sirius' close presence filling him with that strange anxious excitement.

"Really? She didn't mention-"

"Well, I've got to go. See you guys later okay?" Remus said quickly cutting James off.

"What about lunch?" Sirius called after him. Remus pretended not to hear and hurried off into the crowded corridor.

-

Remus frowned as he looked out at the lake and sighed. This was not as easy as he had thought it would be. Avoiding Sirius for the past week had been nearly impossible. Wherever he went, the dark haired boy always seemed to turn up. If Remus hadn't taken it so seriously, he would have sworn this was some kind of new game cooked up by Sirius to taunt him. Just now Remus had barely escaped his friend and his wounded expression after Potions, leaving him and the others as soon as he had a chance to run.

"Remus!"

Remus turned and saw James walking swiftly towards him.

"Hello," Remus said quietly, as he stopped his frustrated pacing by the lake.

"What are you doing?" James asked.

"Walking," Remus replied.

"It's too cold to be out walking. And that's not what I meant and you know it." James frowned.

Remus sighed. He knew this had been coming. Every time he turned away from Sirius, he'd seen James's accusing eyes and Lily's wondering ones. Remus ignored the silent rebuke in those looks and tried to make himself believe that they wouldn't interfere. Yet he knew James wouldn't let a problem lie, especially as Lily was probably pushing him to find out what was wrong. Remus now avoided her more than ever - she knew at least a part of his secret and he just wanted to pretend it wasn't real. If she talked about the whole thing, it would only remind him that yes, this was reality, he had gone and stupidly fallen in… lust with his best friend.

"Have you had a fight with Sirius? He said he doesn't think so, but, Remus, he's really upset. Why do you keep avoiding him?" James asked.

"I'm not avoiding anyone, James," Remus said, looking up at the sky and the fading sun. It would soon be dark. He could see the half moon in the sky and he felt its call, felt the echoing sorrowful call of the wolf, felt the pain of the loneliness he now had to hide as well as the other hundred things in his life.

James caught a glimpse of the other boy's pain and stepped closer to his friend - only not touching him because he knew of Remus' aversion to physical contact.

"Are you okay Remus?" he asked softly.

Remus looked up in panic and stepped back, giving James a weak smile.

"I'm fine. Just, y'know." Remus pointed to the sky.

James nodded and sighed, running a hand through his messy hair.

"I'll let you handle this I guess, Remus, though Lily's going to have my head! Y'know, you're better at this sort of thing then any of us, but who's there to help you?" James smiled sadly.

"I don't need help James. Everything's fine," Remus reassured him.

"I'm sure it is," James muttered. "Right then. We'd best go before we miss dinner, huh?"

"Um, I'll think I'll skip," Remus said hesitantly.

"Remus," James whined.

"Really, I'm not hungry," Remus said, desperately just wanting to fall into bed and forget this whole conversation.

"This is the third time you've missed dinner this week!" James said angrily.

"Been keeping an eye on me James?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"No. Sirius has."

Remus bit his lip and looked at the floor.

"Night, James."

He heard James sigh as he walked back to the castle in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room, and the feeling of guilt that had lately been gnawing at him suddenly flared up again as he walked away. He shook his head angrily. It wasn't any of James' business. He was keeping away from Sirius for the other boy's sake, as well as for his own sanity's sake. All he ever thought about was Sirius - it was driving him mad. If Remus actually went within speaking distance of Sirius, he didn't know what he'd do. It was bad enough in lessons when he'd catch the fleeting musky scent of the other boy, or his hearing would latch onto the sound of his voice, catch a glimpse of his smooth tanned skin... it was all very distracting! And Remus had had enough.

It was incredibly tiring, avoiding his best friend and yet, secretly watching him. He had no doubts now however - he was completely infatuated. What confused him was how it had seemed to come from nowhere. One minute he felt nothing, the next BAM! He was plagued with thoughts of his best friend kissing him, caressing him. One casual touch had been enough to make him crazy.

He mumbled the password and stumbled through the common room and into the fifth year boys' dorm. He sighed and dropped onto his bed, his energy drained by the wolf's pull and by avoiding the one person he most wanted to be with.

The door was suddenly flung open and slammed shut. Remus winced at the noise.

"That's it! I've had enough! What is it Remus? For the past week you've been different - or should I say more different? Ever since you came back, there's been something on your mind, ever since you changed... Tell me what's wrong," Sirius demanded.

Remus looked up in surprise to find a very angry Sirius striding up to his bed. Remus noted absently that the rage in his stormy grey eyes made them seem darker than their usual pale colour.

Remus sighed, his eyes dropping to the floor as they always did now when he looked at Sirius. It stopped temptation. Temptation of exactly what he couldn't be sure of, as he usually cut his thoughts off before getting that far. But he was sure if he met those fiery eyes, he'd be unable to stop himself from, from...

"Remus? See! You're doing it again. It's almost like I don't exist anymore, Moony!" Sirius said, desperately. "What's wrong? I know something's happened. Why won't you tell me?"

Remus risked a glance at the other boy. Sirius looked so distraught that a horrible wave of guilt swept over him, making him choke back bitter tears.

"I'm - I'm sorry Siri. I guess I've been a little out of it lately," Remus said softly.

Sirius looked at him, eyes narrowing shrewdly. He knew there was something else, but Remus would not give in to him. Remus already felt guilty enough for allowing Sirius to even _notice_ his internal dilemma. The other boy had more important things to do than worry about a werewolf with a screwed-up love life.

"You've been avoiding me," Sirius said, a little accusingly.

Remus flinched and nodded forlornly.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did," Sirius said.

Remus flushed at the sincere apology. It was he who should have been sorry! He hadn't meant to push Sirius away - it had just seemed the least painful thing to do.

He had lost control. When he'd realised he liked Sirius, he had soon afterwards come to a rather disturbing conclusion: he liked _only_ Sirius. And if that was so, if he couldn't find another possible mate, he was in trouble. This had made him panic, and he had backed away from Sirius, hoping that his sudden crush would fade. Unfortunately, it seemed only to be getting stronger.

"You did nothing. I've just been... distracted. I'm sorry," Remus whispered.

Sirius smiled anxiously and suddenly engulfed Remus in a tight hug. He seemed to then realise what he'd done and let go sheepishly.

"Sorry."

"No, it's fine," Remus said, bemused he didn't mind the affectionate gesture.

How had he not noticed that he didn't mind if Sirius touched him? Sirius smiled again and grabbed his hand, dragging him over to his bed.

"C'mon, let's play chess. Bet I beat your scrawny ass," Sirius said playfully, as he sat on his messy bed and set up the chessboard, no doubt left there from an earlier game with James.

"That sounds interesting. What are you betting?" Remus smiled, caught up in Sirius' happy mood.

Sirius thought for a moment.

"I know! I bet you a secret. A secret you've had to keep recently," Sirius added, smugly.

Remus smiled ruefully. It seemed Sirius didn't buy his excuse after all. Well, the boy was persistent, you had to give him that.

"Okay," Remus agreed, hesitantly. After all, Sirius winning against Remus was almost impossible - it would be like Peter getting an O on a Potions essay.

-

After the game was finished Remus cursed his misplaced confidence as, against all the laws of nature, Sirius had won. Remus sat with his mouth slightly open in shock as Sirius checkmated him.

"Wow, what can a person do with the right motivation, huh?" Sirius grinned.

Remus looked up at him over his own shrieking and angry pieces (the queen giving him a rather rude gesture for losing) and frowned slightly.

"Well, pay up. I want to know what's wrong with you, 'cause I know there's something. What are your nightmares about, and why are you having them? Why did you avoid me? And do you have any idea why Evans keeps looking at me and laughing? It's getting really bloody unnerving." Sirius shuddered.

His head buzzing with the questions, Remus was just as puzzled as Sirius about the last one, and wondered what Lily found so amusing. He shook his head wearily. How had Sirius known something was so wrong?

"I'm answering one question - your first one." When he saw Sirius on the edge of objecting Remus quickly went on, "As you said _secret,_ not secrets. I shall tell you one secret and no more."

Sirius grinned and shrugged.

"Oh well. I tried, right?"

Remus smiled and his heart beat a little faster as Sirius stretched out on his bed.

"So, why are you having these nightmares?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not sure," Remus admitted.

"What kind of an answer is that?" Sirius sighed when he saw Remus' miserable expression. "Okay, right. You don't know - but you could at least tell me what they're about?"

Remus looked suddenly furtive and bit his lip as he shifted away from Sirius. How could he possibly tell him?

"They're... about when I change into the wolf. I'm hurting. I just feel pain - it drives me mad. Then I'm in a forest and I, I..." Remus trailed off hesitantly looking at Sirius who nodded encouragingly. "Then I attack someone."

"Do you know who it is?" Sirius frowned.

Remus nodded wretchedly.

"Who?"

"...You," Remus said quietly.

"- Potter you've got to talk to him! I'm just saying-"

"Lily I've already talked to him! For Merlin's sa-"

The two stopped dead in their tracks as they caught sight of Remus and Sirius.

"Oh, are you two-"

"No, we're done," Remus said, quickly getting up and trying to get as far away from Sirius as possible.

"So you're both friends again, right?" James asked cheerfully, ignoring Lily's look of exasperation at his lack of tact.

"Yeah, we are. We're okay. It's okay," Sirius said, looking into Remus' eyes and trying to convey reassurance with a soft smile.

Remus caught the look and relaxed slightly.

"Really?" he murmured quietly so the others couldn't hear.

Sirius smiled and nodded.

Remus gave him a look full of affection for his unconditional loyalty. How had he ever managed to win this boy's friendship? How had he ever deserved it? Remus bit his lip when he realised how he was betraying that friendship.

Remus smiled sadly back at Sirius and climbed into his own bed as he bid the others goodnight. He fell asleep to the sound of James' soft laugh, Lily's giggles and Sirius' strange silence, all the time wondering when Sirius' loyalty would be broken - knowing it would be when he found out the truth. Remus ignored the discomfort of his now wet cheeks and closed his eyes, willing away the nightmare that was sure to come.

-

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 6

**A Mate**

**Chapter 6: Spaced Out of Sensation**

Remus sat up with a jolt, wondering what had woken him. The upcoming full moon had the young werewolf exhausted, so at dinner Remus had told the others he was going to bed early. They'd given him concerned looks before he'd escaped upstairs. It had been a couple of weeks since the conversation with Sirius about the nightmare, and although Remus knew Sirius was all right with it, he still caught both him and James watching him worriedly. Before he'd left Sirius and James in the Great Hall just a few hours ago, they had told him they were going on a kitchen raid and asked him if he wanted anything, but he'd quickly shook his head and escaped their worried looks, hurrying away to hide in Gryffindor Tower. From the sound of conversation that Remus was suddenly aware of, it appeared they were back.

"-really worried about him."

Remus frowned. Were they talking about him? He cautiously peered around his bed curtains but found the dorm room empty. That was odd. How could their voices be so loud if they weren't even in the room? Despite being a werewolf, Remus' hearing wasn't _that_ good.

"Sirius, he won't tell _me_ what's wrong. He won't tell _you_. I doubt he'll tell Peter. Just give him some time - y'know how he is."

Remus got up and looked to see if they were hiding anywhere. Why they would be puzzled him, but strange questions called for strange answers.

"I know James, but I can't help feeling useless. There's something really horrible going on and he won't tell us!"

"We'll just have to give him some time," James repeated comfortingly.

Remus heard a sigh and then all was silent.

The young werewolf sighed in frustration, both at what Sirius had said and because Remus couldn't figure out why he could hear them. Remus then had a thought and got out the map that James had recently been working on. It wasn't perfect, but (now that Remus had added the Recognising Charm) it could tell you who was where in the castle. He looked at it and his brow furrowed again when he saw that James and Sirius weren't even in the common room - they were just approaching it!

Had the voices even been theirs? It had sounded like them. Perhaps it was only his wolf senses playing up? Remus decided that must be it. He'd been experiencing some pretty weird things recently and wondered if this was just another of those odd phases a maturing werewolf went through. Remus sighed. He knew so little about himself, it was infuriating. He couldn't even find anything of use in the school library, although to be truthful he'd not looked too hard. The only books that had anything about werewolves in it only explained why werewolves were evil and gave long, detailed descriptions on how to kill such 'dark creatures' effectively.

Remus put the map back on James' bed and went back to his own. He was about to go back to sleep when snores and giggles from the girls' dorms invaded his ears. They were so loud his head started to ring. Then when he thought things couldn't get any worse, the few people left in the common room joined into the fray, making it so Remus couldn't even pick out one voice from them all. The noise started to get louder and louder and he realised he was actually hearing everything that was going on in Hogwarts.

"Great," he muttered.

He covered his ears with a pillow to block out the sound. He soon irritably gave up and cast a Silencing Charm before slipping into an unhappy sleep.

-

Remus walked swiftly to Potions, ignoring the few leers that were sent his way as he hurried down the dark and dank lower corridors towards the dungeons. He was still more or less creeped out by the students' sudden intense interest in him. He'd even caught some of the Slytherins looking him up and down, with (no doubt) less than honourable intentions. He'd just blushed and walked away quickly – returning to the safety of Sirius and the rest of his friends.

He opened the door and went inside, flinching a little at the intense feel of the cold brass handle. His senses, it appeared, were still acting strangely.

"Nice of you to join us Mr. Lupin," Professor Slughorn drawled.

"Sorry, sir." Remus lowered his eyes, embarrassed.

"Five points from Gryffindor. Now sit down," Professor Slughorn waved an irritated hand and Remus gratefully sank down in his seat.

"Now as I was saying, dragon's blood is a very useful ingredient. It can be used-"

"You okay?" Sirius whispered as Slughorn continued with his lecture.

Remus nodded, flushing a little under his friend's concerned gaze.

Sirius studied him for a little longer, then sighed and looked away.

Remus bit his lip and wondered if he could really carry on doing this. How could he be near Sirius and pretend his very presence didn't send shivers of want down his spine? How could he stop himself from sub-consciously leaning towards the other boy? He just needed to focus. Sirius couldn't know - not now or ever. If his friend found out, Remus would lose him forever.

Slughorn eventually stopped talking and let the class get on with their set practical work. They split into partners – Sirius with Remus and James with Peter. Peter needed all the help he could get in this lesson, as it was definitely one of his worst subjects. James (the strongest at Potions) worked with Peter (the weakest) and Sirius (who wasn't bad either) with Remus (who was, at least, better than Peter). All four boys balanced each other out. They worked side by side, laughing and joking as they prepared the potion.

"No, don't Pete!" James grabbed the Mugwort out of Peter's clueless hand, just before the other boy added it to the bubbling mixture in the cauldron.

"Good save James." Sirius grinned.

Remus looked at James' exasperated face and smiled at Peter's apologetic one.

"The whole class would have exploded if you'd done that. Honestly, what's wrong with you? You've been even worse than usual today!" James exclaimed bluntly.

"I'm sorry James. I've just been a little… distracted," Peter said worriedly.

Sirius laughed and nudged Remus.

"Is it Margot again, Peter?" Remus said, smiling softly.

"No," Peter snapped.

"It's okay if you like her, y'know."

Peter looked at him miserably.

"It's not fair. Why doesn't she like me?" he moaned.

"I'm the last person you should be asking about things like that," Remus said, shaking his head.

"I'm not so sure about that Remus." James grinned. "You've got quite the fan club now. I'm surprised you haven't gone out with some of those pretty girls that are after you."

Remus blushed and mumbled an inaudible reply as he carefully cut the dead cockroaches he needed to prepare before adding them to the potion. He glanced at Peter and noted that the boy looked a little annoyed about the change of conversation.

"You should be careful Rem if you're gonna remain single. They'll be attacking you soon," Sirius teased.

Sirius smiled at Remus' shocked expression.

"Mm, we were talking about Peter's problem," Remus said, hoping they'd just drop it.

"Uh uh Moony, we're talking about your problem now!" James grinned, "If I were you I'd go 'round with my wand at the ready, all day. Lily's been telling me all about the girls who have fallen in love with you - some of them _are_ kind of scary."

"Especially a certain Slytherin I'd love to get my hands on," Sirius growled as he glared over at Rosier.

Rosier, noticing he was being glared at, gave Sirius a sneer and turned away indifferently.

"I'm sure I have nothing to worry about. It's not as if they're going to jump me." Remus rolled his eyes.

"What about at the train station?" Sirius demanded.

"What about it?" Remus asked patiently.

"He was, saying things…." Sirius blushed.

"So?" Remus shrugged, not really wanting to think about it.

Sirius looked at him oddly, and frowned a little uncertainly.

To avoid Sirius' strange look, Remus added the last ingredient as Slughorn came over. When the potion went a pleasant shade of pale blue, Slughorn nodded that they could go. The Professor then moved on to Peter and James where he reluctantly did the same (he still held a bit of a grudge against James for apparently 'distracting' Lily from her brilliant potion-making).

As the students moved out of the classroom, Sirius stopped Remus in the corridor.

"Remus, I did the right thing didn't I? Telling Rosier to get lost? You, you're not upset cause of…" Sirius stopped and slid an agitated hand through his shaggy black hair.

Remus smiled, amused his friend thought he was upset because he was mooning over Evan Rosier.

"You did the right thing. Don't worry about _that_. If Rosier ever touched me I think I'd throw up!"

"But are you sure he can't have a piece of that sexy arse of yours?" James teased as he came out of the class.

"It was so creepy. I can't believe he actually said all that." Remus shuddered.

Sirius laughed.

"Oh, but Remus don't you think his blonde locks are simply divine?" James said extravagantly, drawing a look from said Slytherin who was walking a little way behind them with his usual ugly crowd.

Remus laughed with Sirius and Peter at James' dramatics.

"No, not really. I prefer brunettes," Remus giggled without thinking.

He blushed a little as he caught Sirius' eye and avoided his friend's strange small smile.

"Interesting," James said seeing the look.

"What is?" Peter asked, oblivious.

"I'm Remus' type Pete!" James exclaimed, pretending he also hadn't noticed. "Well Rem, I never knew you were for the boys but I can deal."

James put his arm around Remus coyly. Remus stiffened but forced a strained chuckle. Remus really hoped James was joking. Sirius, seeing his friend's discomfort, batted away James's arm playfully.

"He's mine James, go back to Evans." He grinned as he pulled Remus towards him and wrapped his arms possessively around the smaller boy's waist.

Remus blushed and, pretending to be exasperated with Sirius' attentions, pushed him away reluctantly. He was making his head spin! All last night he'd felt uncomfortably aware, every one of his senses heightened, and now the boy was touching him. Remus didn't need that extra torment when his senses were verging on being horrifically responsive. While being in Sirius' arms _was_ nothing but nice, it was doing incredibly odd things to Remus - and not the normal odd things either.

"Merlin, Black! Are you so desperate that you have to maul your own best friend? I don't blame him for pushing your perverted hands away," a voice sneered from behind.

Rosier looked dangerous. He seemed to be very angry about something and Remus wondered despairingly if the Slytherin had heard what they'd been saying.

"What do _you_ want Rosier?" Sirius snarled, his grey eyes flashing angrily.

"Nothing _you_ can give me Black," Rosier said contemptuously. "_You_ on the other hand…" Rosier whirled around to Remus and the boy stumbled back as the Slytherin stalked towards him like a hungry cat cornering a mouse.

Sirius angrily made to go after Rosier but was grabbed by two Slytherins.

"Get off me, you bloody gorillas!"

James dived in to help Sirius and Peter reluctantly followed. A small fight broke out in the corridor. Students stopped to watch the five fighting boys, not noticing the other two in the corner.

"What do you want Rosier?" Remus said, as he lifted his chin to look the other boy in the eye.

"You." Rosier suddenly grabbed Remus, easily dominating the smaller boy as he dragged him in to a violent kiss.

That apparently got most of the surrounding students' attention. Remus vaguely heard someone wolf whistle and shout, "Go Rosier!"

Rosier forced Remus' mouth open and shoved his tongue in roughly, licking the insides of his mouth as he gripped Remus tightly. Remus, already feeling a little ill from his distorted senses, felt his stomach churn as _Evan Rosier_ continued the disgusting assault upon his mouth. Remus pulled away roughly and promptly threw up all over his attacker.

The Slytherin looked at him in loathing as he wiped at his robes with revulsion.

"You stupid little poof!" Rosier spat.

Remus ground his teeth together. His ears were ringing, his body aching and he felt as though the whole world was trying to invade his being. He couldn't deal with Rosier's insults now. And who was he calling a poof?

Rosier took a threatening step towards Remus. On instinct and adrenalin, Remus lashed out blindly and then stood stunned as Rosier's head snapped back. The Slytherin cried out in pain, clutching his bloody and now very broken nose.

"Don't call me a poof," Remus growled.

In retaliation, several angry looking Slytherins jumped on Remus simultaneously and Remus cried out as somebody kicked him viciously in the stomach. But then familiar comforting hands held him, and he stood shivering in Sirius' embrace.

"Don't you bastards come any closer or I'll hex you back down to the darkest pit of hell!" Sirius growled, his wand poised and ready to strike.

James and Peter flanked the two boys, wands also at the ready.

The Slytherins backed down, albeit reluctantly. They'd seen Rosier's defeat and James and Sirius were known as two of the best duellers. The Slytherins may have had better numbers, but they weren't willing to risk it. After all, he who fights and runs away...

The crowd around them let out a disappointed murmur, but both Gryffindors and Slytherins ignored them and parted at once in different directions.

"Come on. Let's just go back to the common room. I doubt whether Professor Delphi will miss us in Divination. She's probably already foreseen this and knows we can't possibly make it after a trauma like that!" James grinned.

Peter nodded, agreeing with James.

"But we've got to go to class James," Remus said weakly, though he didn't particular want to go.

Remus was still a little shaken by the whole incident and James could see that.

"C'mon Rem. It's only Divination. You're always going on about what a load of crap it is!" James wheedled.

"Yeah, I don't fancy having any more disasters foretold to happen today," Peter said anxiously.

"Okay, that's settled. Sirius, you coming?" James asked the other boy, noting his friend was still angrily seething.

"What? No, I have something to do." Sirius grinned darkly and strode off down the corridor.

Remus sighed as he watched his friend's retreating back. Why couldn't he ever just leave it? Sirius always had to go and make a big spectacle of everything. The thought that Siri was not about to do something concerning Evan Rosier never even crossed Remus' mind - it was what Sirius would do.

"Oh Rem. Just let him do what he wants. You know he'll just do it anyway." James smiled as he turned to walk in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

"Yeah," Remus mumbled.

He started after James when Sirius's form disappeared from his sight. Remus hoped that he wasn't going to do anything dangerous.

-

Remus spent the rest of the day avoiding Slytherins as all they seemed to do was glare at him. It was time for lunch and he'd just been finishing his Transfiguration homework. The others had left him to go eat, Sirius only leaving when Remus repeated once again that he was fine and could at least walk down to the hall without getting himself in trouble. Sirius had left reluctantly. Although since he'd come back from his mystery mission, he'd been in an almost violently good mood, grinning fiercely every time his attention wandered. Remus had to admit he was more than a little curious as to what was making the boy so happy, feeling almost jealous of whatever it was.

Remus finished his Transfiguration essay and stood up, stretching. Feeling quite hungry, he thought it would be a good time to join his friends in the Great Hall. He exited the common room and walked down the corridors slowly. He was a little worried at having to go into the Great Hall, as he had been getting sicker as the day went by and had noted that human contact seemed to make his condition worse. Anytime he'd been near anyone, he'd been more uncomfortable than ever. He'd nearly not gone to dinner but James had given him a lecture on eating and told him he'd better join them later that evening to eat, and so he had been made to go.

Remus paused before the Great Hall and staggered a little. He could feel the energy of all those bodies inside the room from here. His ears rang with the painful pandemonium of a hundred conversations all taking place at once, and the tangy smell of human sweat swirled around him, causing his nostrils to flare. The scent practically burned its way down to his stomach, making him want to throw up in an attempt to rid himself of the invasive stench. He staggered dizzily, feeling detached from his body as he was taken over by unwanted sensation. Remus started to breathe quicker, his breaths coming in short gasps, he couldn't go in there. It would kill him! Already he felt as though he would pass out. He turned unsteadily to go but stopped and inwardly groaned at whom he saw behind him.

"Well, well, well," Rosier crooned as he slowly stalked nearer. "If it isn't the little faggot. Having trouble walking Remmie? Not sore are you? You know, I've heard stories about your boyfriend's... prowess, shall we say?"

Remus noted vaguely that the Slytherin's nose was still broken and wondered why Pomfrey hadn't healed it yet.

Remus wanted to reply to Rosier's sneering comment but it was all he could do to stand at the moment. His eyes were beginning to hurt from the light, and Rosier's presence only increased his discomfort.

"Or is it something else that has you staggering about, Remmie-dear? Not into more destructive habits, are you? You wouldn't happen to have smoked anything incriminating? Now I've heard stories about your boyfriend and that too." Rosier smirked.

Remus swayed a little, his stomach churning painfully as Rosier suddenly and violently pulled the slender boy towards him, only stopping when he was inches from his face.

"You know, I could make sure that some of these stories got to the headmaster, Remus. Just as a bit of justice for you since you chose Black over my more worthy attentions."

Rosier's grip tightened on Remus' collar and he pulled him closer. Remus looked up at the boy with wild eyes as the Slytherin blew out his next sentence against the werewolf's lips.

"I could have made you much happier than that scum, but now you'll never know, will you?"

Remus turned his face away from the smirking Slytherin in disgust, and as his blurred vision he caught sight of the opening hall doors. He inwardly sighed in relief as he scented Sirius coming to his rescue yet again.

Rosier, seeing someone interrupting his game abruptly flung Remus away from himself with much more force than necessary. Remus flew backwards and into the great hall, falling on the cold stone floor.

Remus was suddenly overloaded with colour, sound and smell. All of Hogwarts was in that one room and he couldn't cope with all of the million little things going on. The last thing Remus saw was Sirius' concerned face before his friend's touch sent him over the edge and into oblivion.

-

_To be continued…_


	8. Chapter 7

**A Mate **

**Chapter 7: Full Moon**

The world slowly came back to him in brief flickers of sound and images; Remus had no idea how long he'd been unconscious. Everything hurt, and it seemed as though the air was closing in on him, suffocating him with a high-pitched pressure.

After taking a moment to calm himself, Remus tried to push down his hyper-senses and concentrate on where he was. He kept his eyes squeezed shut to the bright light and listened for any clues. The high ringing sound finally started to subside, and Remus started to breathe easier as he realised he was slowly but surely, returning to normal. Soon enough small snatches of conversation came to his attention.

"… Mr. Black, can't you leave? I'm trying to help Mr. Lupin and you're only making this whole thing more difficult!"

"Well, if you'd just tell me what's wrong with him-"

"Nothing serious," came the curt reply.

"But he passed out!"

"Yes, well, in his state at the moment, it's expected. Now, would you kindly _leave_?"

"His state? What 'state'?"

"Mr. Black, if you don't leave right now, I'll call for Professor Dumbledore!"

Remus heard Sirius' angry footsteps as he stormed out and only then did he realise what Madam Pomfrey had said. He gasped and sat up, the shock finally pulling him out of his semi-unconsciousness.

Dizzily, he saw a blurred figure he assumed was Pomfrey, come towards him.

"Are you alright Mr. Lupin?"

Remus shook his head, more from trying to clear it then an answer to the nurse.

"Well, I suppose that's to be expected. I'm glad your parents chose to inform me about this whole business or else I wouldn't know what to do with you!" the nurse said exasperated, yet with a hidden fondness she seemed to reserve for Remus.

"My parents told you?" Remus asked uneasily, blinking as the world finally came back to focus.

Madam Pomfrey looked at him oddly.

"Of course dear, what if something happened and I didn't know how to take care of you?" she asked, bustling off to get some more medicine.

"So…" Remus frowned, unsure if he liked the idea of Madam Pomfrey knowing about his situation. "What's wrong with me?"

"Oh, nothing to worry about. This is all just part of your maturing. Your senses are probably just re-aligning themselves for your adult body. Well, I presume they are. I wasn't told much about this whole thing." Madam Pomfrey scowled into a jar of something that probably tasted horrible.

"Um, sorry…" Remus said, wondering why the nurse wasn't sending him pitying looks if she knew he had a six-month deadline.

"Hmph. Well, I suppose these things are hushed up in the werewolf community, hmm? But honestly, I don't see what all the fuss is about," the nurse said, approaching Remus with the medicine.

Remus just looked at her, his mouth slightly open in surprise.

"After all it's only going through puberty late. All this secrecy for something normal boys go through… I don't know. It seems unnecessary to me. But then there are all these strange side–effects you're going through so maybe it's for the best." The nurse smiled at the boy.

He looked at her and suppressed a sigh of relief. So his parents hadn't told her everything? Well, that was at least one piece of good news anyway. Yet even though Pomfrey had no knowledge of his mate problem, he still thought it was for the best she said nothing about it. After all, if Sirius had caught on about his 'state' and started some foolish search for the truth there would be problems….

"Um, Madam Pomfrey?" he asked hesitatingly, just before she was about to feed him some truly ugly-looking goop on a spoon she was holding up.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Can you, um, keep this quiet, and er, not mention anything to anyone?" he asked her, flushing a little under her amused gaze.

"Of course. I _am_ a professional med-witch. Now take your medicine dear," she said as she force-fed him the goop.

Remus choked the horrid stuff down and she patted him on the head fondly.

"Now get some rest." She smiled and Remus felt his eyes closing against his will and he soon fell into a deep, potion-induced sleep.

-

Had Remus been awake, he would have found something to worry about. Sirius, it seemed, was not about to give up his search for the truth; as Remus continued his forced sleep, his unknowing crush was searching for answers.

"Nothing, bloody nothing!"

"Nothing?"

"Not a ruddy thing. There's some mention of werewolves, but you know the drill; monsters, need to be killed – I tell you James, I'd love to kill those bloody murderers! Probably people exactly like Rosier, that bloody rapist piece of-"

James sighed as he watched his best friend rant while he kicked a pile of books at his feet repeatedly. The boy was incorrigible, he really was. He'd go on and on about their friend for hours if he were uninterrupted, but address this fact and you wouldn't get another word out of him.

"- and then I'd watch and laugh." Sirius finished with a vicious grin.

James rolled his eyes before noticing the Librarian's rather rage-filled expression as she watched her books being used as anger management for a lovesick teenager.

"Come on Sirius. I think it's time we left," James said, looking pointedly at Pince.

Sirius caught sight of the fuming woman making her way over to them and he hurried out with James, both boys laughing as she tried to run after them. A screeching whisper of "book abusers!" followed them as they ran breathlessly down the corridors.

When they'd regained their breath and had escaped Pince's possible punishment, they leaned against the passageway walls, laughing companionably.

"Woman's worse than Moony about her books." Sirius laughed.

James just shook his head at him, amazed at his friend's one-track mind but willing to go along with it.

"So what do you want to do now? There are no books whatsoever on a werewolf's special 'developments' as you insist on calling them."

"Well, I'm not sure. Don't look so skeptical, James! You know something's wrong with Remus. His nightmares, his moods … he seems so sad all the time. And now he's sick. Madam Pomfrey said something about a condition – and I know that might be because of tomorrow, but the full moon doesn't normally take so much out of him! I just want him to get better," Sirius finished quietly.

James smiled slightly.

"I know, Sirius." After a slight pause James's eyes widened and he suddenly slapped Sirius upside of the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Sirius demanded, rubbing his head.

"You silly mutt! You bought a book on werewolves when we found out about Remus, remember?"

Sirius suddenly laughed.

"Of course. It was the only one that didn't go on and on about silver bullets."

James smirked, "I guess you should be grateful that at least one of us has brains."

Sirius smirked back at him and returned James's slap.

-

When they arrived in the dorms in Gryffindor Tower, the boys pulled out the book and looked at it with dread.

"I forgot it was so big," Sirius commented as he lifted the heavy book onto his bed.

James glanced at his friend and then down at the book again, giving a strangely cheerful grin.

"Right that's that then. I've provided the very useful information on how to get the answers; now I'll leave the rest up to you." James started to back towards the door but Sirius grabbed his sleeve.

"You are not leaving me to read all that. We didn't even get through the first chapter when I first bought this, this _tome_! I don't know where the answers are in that bloody monster!"

"Well, sorry mate but you're on your own. I've done my good deed for the day. It's your obsession – I mean mission. Besides I promised to help Peter with his speech to poor old Margot. So, toodles." And with that James slipped through the door, leaving Sirius staring mournfully at the large volume that was titled '_**Furry Paws; Human Heart'**_.

He flicked to a random page that seemed to have been heavily thumbed and read the chapter title, '**_Werewolves and their Mates: Calls and Signs of the Search for Love_**'.

Sirius glanced down the page, barely reading '_at this time the wolf is violent in its search for a mate and as such, its lonely call can be heard each hour during the change. This is one of the first signs that the werewolf is in the process of-' _Sirius yawned and closed the book, frowning irritably.

This thing was as bad as those silly magazines the girls read with their stupid articles like 'How to know if your wizard loves you'. Sirius sighed and decided to read it another time if he got desperate. Love couldn't be Remus' problem – at least Sirius hoped it wasn't….

-

"Moony… Moooooony!" came a crooning voice.

Remus frowned at the noise that woke him. He'd just been having a really nice dream about-

"Sirius!" Remus squeaked as he opened his eyes to find the dark-haired boy almost nose to nose with him and grinning mischievously. Remus blushed at how close they were, Sirius' incredibly male and musky scent filling his senses.

"Morning, Remus," Sirius said cheerfully as he moved back and sat on the chair next to Remus' bed, apparently not noticing the young werewolf's flustered look.

"What are you doing here this early?" Remus grumbled as he looked out the window and saw that it was hardly light outside.

"Early! It's not early at all. You've been asleep all day." Sirius grinned when Remus' eyes widened. "We tried to get you up but Madam Pomfrey said you must have been really tired 'cause you were practically comatose. She said that you're gonna have to spend tonight in here as well, and I'm guessing that's 'cause of the full moon and everything."

"Huh?" Remus asked, a little confused at Sirius's excited babble.

It was the full moon already? Well, that might explain why he'd been so tired, but had he really missed a whole day of school? Remus winced when he realised this meant he'd have to catch up twice as much work as usual.

"Remus, are you all right?" Sirius asked, leaning forward to look at his friend worriedly.

"Oh, yeah, I guess," Remus mumbled, flushing a little as Sirius studied him.

Sirius stopped and sat back, shaking his head wearily. "No. No you're not, Moony. Why did you faint in the hall?"

Remus bit his lip and looked at his own slender hands as they guiltily twisted the covers he was lying under. Why did Sirius keep on questioning him? Didn't he understand he couldn't answer? Sirius couldn't know….

"It was just, just Rosier. He saw me on the way to the hall and, um, he pushed me in. I guess I must have hit my head?" Remus proposed hopefully, trying to sound sincere but failing spectacularly.

"Rosier again? I didn't realise he'd pushed you in…." Sirius frowned and growled angrily as his thoughts grew distracted with a wave of pure hatred for the Slytherin. "That slimy bastard. I thought he'd bugger off after I'd hexed his nose not to heal, but-"

"You? It was you that did that?" Remus asked, remembering Rosier's unhealed nose and the near manic anger that had flashed in his eyes every time Sirius had been mentioned.

"Yeah. Bloody git whined a hell of a lot to Pomfrey when she said it would have to heal normally," Sirius sniggered.

Remus felt a brief rush of irritation rise up in him as Sirius had indirectly gotten him into the Hospital Wing, but then it left just as quickly as it had come. Sirius hadn't intended it to happen; besides, Rosier would have probably done something like that anyway. Remus gave Sirius a small smile and was glad he'd stopped his irrational irritation when he saw Sirius grin back at him like a playful puppy.

"So I'm stuck in here, am I?" Remus asked, mournfully.

"Yup. And I thought you might look at it that way, so look what I brought you." Sirius grinned as he dug in his bag that had been slung on the floor. He held up some books, paper and a quill.

"The work from today?" Remus asked, smiling a little wider.

"Uh huh. You can copy all my notes and if you're very good I'll even tell you what we are supposed to do for homework," Sirius teased.

Remus stuck his tongue out at him for making fun of his studying and Sirius laughed. Remus couldn't believe how thoughtful Sirius had been. He was such a good friend. The werewolf had to quickly smother the urge to jump into Sirius' arms and hug him tightly. When he pushed down the impulse, it left an almost bitter feeling that clenched his heart and he smiled sadly.

"Moony?" Sirius asked tentatively.

"Yeah?" Remus asked, pushing away the sadness as his expression faded to an unreadable look.

Sirius seemed about to say something but then the door to the Hospital Wing burst open and in ran James, red in the face and giggling madly.

"What's up with you?" Sirius asked curiously.

James just laughed harder and gestured to the door.

Remus and Sirius both looked and their eyes widened as they saw Lily dragging in a very, very flustered and odd-looking Peter. The boy's embarrassed expression was justified - his skin had turned bright green and he was freckled with huge, yellow warts.

Sirius burst out laughing and Remus giggled, earning a humiliated wail from Peter and a disapproving scowl from Lily.

"Really, boys! He's your bloody best friend!" Lily scolded angrily.

"What _is_ all the noise in here?" Madam Pomfrey asked as she whisked into the room, her eyes widening at the sight of Peter.

"Oh dear. Well Mr. Pettigrew, you'd best come with me," the nurse said, leading him away.

The three remaining boys all stopped laughing when Lily walked within hitting range.

"Honestly! How can you laugh when he's just been so embarrassed?" Lily asked, her eyes narrowing, mostly addressing James who shifted guiltily under her stare.

"Well, it was kind of-"

"James Potter, don't you dare finish that sentence. Your best friend has just been cursed for asking the girl he fancies to go on a date with him," she huffed.

"Well, it's not like you haven't done it to me," James whinged.

Sirius grinned at the boy and even Remus smiled as he remembered some of the hexes Lily had used on James over the years to try to get him to leave her alone.

"Yes, but I bet he didn't laugh at you, did he?"

"Actually-" Sirius started but was stopped with a glare from the redhead.

Lily ignored the two smirking boys and her eyes fell on Remus and she smiled as though she had only just noticed him.

"Hello, Remus. How have you been? As you can see I've had a horrible time dealing with these _children_," Lily said as she glared at the other two.

Remus smiled at her awkwardly, wondering if she still remembered their conversation in the hall. He felt a little guilty for not talking to her lately as he'd basically avoided her since their talk, but was glad to see she'd not held it against him.

"I'm fine, thanks. Just a little ill I guess." He smiled at the girl, not noticing Sirius' small frown.

"Good. I think we'd better be going though, don't you boys? After all, Professor Slughorn was quite firm about getting our essays in tomorrow," Lily said, her eyebrows lifting expectantly.

"Merlin, Lil, you're almost as bad as Remus." Sirius grinned.

Lily rolled her eyes and looked back at Remus worriedly. "Can you come back yet?"

"Um, no… I think the nurse wants to keep me over night," Remus said, his eyes reminding his friends that it was a full moon tonight.

Sirius looked strangely happy and exchanged an impish grin with James.

"Okay. Well, see you Remus. Tell Peter to meet us in the common room," James said as he walked off with Lily who waved, before disappearing out the door.

Sirius smiled at Remus and the tawny-haired boy jumped when Sirius suddenly leaned down, his breath tickling his ear.

"Later," Sirius whispered, his hand dropped to Remus' arm in an almost loving motion before he cheerfully ran out after the other two.

Remus blinked, confused at the odd moment that had set his heart beating. What had Sirius meant, 'Later'?

-

It was just getting dark when Madam Pomfrey ushered Remus down to the Willow. Remus glanced up at the sky and sighed mournfully as he stumbled - the moon's pull already making him weak. Madam Pomfrey frowned in concern as they continued on, worried for her monthly charge. They soon came to the Willow and the nurse quickly froze it and led Remus through. As he passed into the tree he paused, scenting something familiar.

"Sirius?" he whispered, confused.

He heard a muffled squeak and frowned. That had sounded like Peter….

"The moon's almost up," Madam Pomfrey said softly, her hand tightening on his shoulder in attempted comfort.

Remus flinched at the touch.

"No, they can't be here! It's too dangerous!" Remus cried.

"Yes, I know dear. Now, come along." Madam Pomfrey had been warned by the Headmaster that puberty would make his monthly trials harder for Remus, and so she dismissed the exclamation the same way she might dismiss a fever victim's ramblings. She held on to his weakened body despite his obvious discomfort and helped him through the passageway to the decrepit shack.

As they entered, Remus thought that he heard a quiet shuffle and looked reproachfully at the conspicuous empty space in the corner of the room. Madam Pomfrey left with one last anxious glance, shutting the door behind her. When it locked with a click, he sighed irritably. The moon had sapped his strength so he hadn't the energy to be angry.

"What do you think you're doing here?" he asked wearily, as he fell onto the ruined bed in the middle of the room, a cloud of dust swirling up around him, making his nose itch. But he was too worn to sneeze.

Three grinning faces appeared from thin air, one face grinning harder than the others.

"Get out of here! Now! It's almost time," Remus hissed as he wrapped his arms around himself.

"Now, now, Moony. We've got a surprise," Sirius said excitedly, his grey eyes twinkling in a manner worthy of Dumbledore himself. Gesturing dramatically to James like a ringmaster introducing a circus act, he announced, "I'd like you to meet Prongs!"

For a moment Remus stared at Sirius as if he'd gone mad but then his eyes were drawn to the messy haired boy as he bowed. Remus' eyes widened with wonder as James' flesh flowed into the form of a beautiful young stag. It approached him and pulled a bit of his hair playfully while Remus stared at his friend in awe.

"Introducing Wormtail." Sirius gestured to Peter, who smiled nervously and then shrunk until he'd turned into a small grey rat. Wormtail squeaked and scrambled his way up to Prongs' back, proudly sitting atop the somewhat vexed stag.

Remus felt his throat clog.

Then Sirius smiled softly into Remus' grateful, tear-filled eyes, "and finally, for you Moony, I'd like you to meet, Padfoot," and with that Sirius opened his arms and his body curled into a big, black dog.

"You've done it!" Remus blurted out in shock, hardly able to believe his friends had done this for him. He'd never find more faithful friends in the entire world, he was sure. His happy tears left clean trails through the dust left on his cheeks from the bed before dripping off his face. He hated to cry in front of anyone, even his friends, but he didn't care because this was one of the happiest moments in his life.

Sirius - Padfoot, he amended, mentally - sniffed at Remus' hands, getting to know his scent. Then he barked once, happily, and pounced on his friend, licking his tear-streaked cheeks and wagging his tail excitedly. Remus smiled and buried his hands into the dark, soft fur. The stag looked on with amusement as Sirius whined happily at the petting. Then Remus abruptly stopped and blushed as he realise just who it was he was petting.

A sudden sharp pain reminded him of what was about to happen, and he looked at the moon outside the dirty windows with dread. He scooted back from the dog and whimpered as his bones snapped and started to re-align.

Padfoot started forward but Remus shook his head and looked away - clearly ashamed his friends would be witnessing this. The dog retreated to the stag and frightened rat and looked on with horror at the pain their friend had to go through every month, for the last eleven years. None of them had thought about how horrible it would be, not really. They hadn't thought about how the bones would reconfigure, how the organs were shoved around and how the skin split to make way for snout and tail, fur spiking through rapidly. They hadn't realised just how intense and painful Remus' change actually was.

The boy's whimpers increased and all three turned away, unable to watch anymore of their friend's pain. Human whimpers soon turned into wolf ones and the transformation was complete.

There now in Remus' place was a wild, tawny wolf, golden eyes flashing with rage and pain. The wolf lay there groggily for a few moments, panting and growling low in his chest as he recovered from the change. Suddenly he tensed, snarling… there was an odd scent wafting through the air, strange and yet familiar…

The wolf leaped to his feet, spinning around to face the threat, hackles raised, body taut and crouched, ready to spring. He was almost stunned to find not just one, but three animals behind him. The wolf regarded them all with a wary wonder - he'd never seen others before….

The stag held himself stock-still, cautious and guarded, eyes wide and ears perked for the slightest sign of attack from what his instincts insisted was a predator. The rat on his head twitched nervously, nose sniffing as he watched and waited. Only the dog (a creature so much like him, like the wolf) seemed somewhat relaxed, if watchful, and the wolf suddenly noticed that the scent he'd smelled before was from this one.

The dog whined cautiously and the wolf stepped back, confused. How did he know this scent? It was so familiar, so comforting…. The wolf approached the dog and sniffed it warily, springing back as it sniffed him in return.

The dog seemed to find that amusing and the wolf growled a warning. Padfoot's instincts soon took over and he quickly dropped his eyes from the wolf's, lying on the ground near the wolf's forepaws and rolling to expose his belly, head back to offer his throat. It was a plea for acceptance, and an offer of loyalty.

Inside the wolf, something shifted, wept, rejoiced. He wanted to howl with glee. At last! What he was made to be a part of - Pack! Regally, he bent to sniff the dog's throat, imprinting the scent as Pack in his mind, before giving it a soft, playful nip, tongue lolling out in a wolfy grin. The dog rolled to his feet and barked a playful challenge, and then stilled as the others drew near. The wolf gently closed his mouth around the dog's snout, declaring his acceptance as Packmate, and the dog trembled with excitement. Then the moment was over, and Padfoot was cheerfully prancing, puppy-like, at the wolf's side as the wolf turned to regard the two remaining animals.

The stag seemed to have found the two's passive actions reassuring, and he stepped forward to incline his head majestically towards the wolf, as the rat clung to his antlers for dear life. The wolf regarded them for a moment, slightly confused. His instincts said that they were prey animals, not packmates, but he still recognized them as familiar, comfortable. He sniffed at each, studying them, before giving a snort of approval and repeating the mouthing of Padfoot's muzzle with the stag - the rat was deemed too small but none the less accepted.

The dog seemed to see this odd exchange as acceptance and barked happily as it bounded at the wolf. The wolf nipped the dog playfully and so started a night of play, something the wolf had never experienced before. It finally had companions, and possibly a mate….

-

_To be continued…_


	9. Chapter 8

**A Mate **

**Chapter 8: After Effects**

Remus slowly woke, surrounded by comforting warmth that made him sigh with contentment. He remembered it had been a full moon and he basked in the wonder of feeling good after a night that had usually consisted of pain. He ached a little but he couldn't feel any major wounds, and when he finally opened his eyes he did so with a brilliant smile. He glanced behind him, only to see that Sirius had curled up next to him on the bed and had practically wrapped himself around the slender boy in a protective embrace. Remus felt almost giddy with happiness. The young werewolf blushed as he realised his friend had somehow manoeuvred into this position in his sleep while Remus, after transforming back, was quite naked. He knew that he should feel incredibly vulnerable in the position he was in, and yet couldn't help but be content.

Remus carefully turned over and looked up fondly at Sirius' sleeping face, the dark hair wildly mussed and his mouth wide open as he snored loudly. Remus giggled a little at the boy's complete lack of grace, even when asleep. But that was just one of the things that endeared him more to Remus….

The young werewolf, suddenly maudlin, felt a little guilty as he lay there in his unknowing love's arms. He'd never have this, not really. So why pretend now?

With a sorrowful sigh he attempted to slip out of the wonderful comfort. Remus flushed slightly as Sirius gave a petulant moan when he tried to move away and the other boy only pulled him closer, and with all Sirius' shifting and pulling, Remus couldn't help but get aroused. His breathing hitched as Sirius continued to drag him nearer and Remus gritted his teeth as he was pulled against the other boy. He lay completely still, desperately hoping that his friend wouldn't wake and find him this... excited.

Then Sirius, still asleep, rolled away from him and Remus sighed with relief as he scrambled away and quickly pulled on his trousers that were on the floor from the night before. He guiltily glanced at Sirius once again and wondered what he would have said, had he seen what his friendly embrace had been doing to his best mate.

Remus saw the small indent on his bed next to Sirius marking his previous place, and couldn't help but feel as though it was right to be there, next to Sirius. The boy in question now wore a faint frown as he rolled into the indent, probably wondering where the warmth of Remus' body had vanished.

Remus finally returned his attention to his main objective and scanned the room for his other two friends. He smiled as he saw them a few meters from the bed. James lay sprawled out on the floor, looking as if he'd just collapsed there; Peter a few yards away from him had slept in a curled up ball, which strongly reminded Remus of the small boy's Animagus form.

Animagus form….

Remus shook his head still unable to believe they did it – and all for him.

Footsteps sounded and his heart quickened as he realised Madam Pomfrey had come to check on him. Remus, panicking, ran to the discarded Invisibility Cloak and flung it over James and Peter – glad the boys weren't sleeping too far apart.

Just as the door opened he jumped on the bed and under the covers, bringing them up to cover Sirius head. The nurse came inside and looked at Remus worriedly from the doorway. Remus felt incredibly grateful for the darkness inside the shack's room, and he hoped that the shadows would hide most of the Sirius-shaped lump in the bed, though just to be sure he lifted the blankets up a little further and prayed the nurse didn't come over to check on him, allowing him his privacy like she did usually, before he changed into his clothes.

"And how are you today?"

Remus looked up at her distractedly as he realised from the movement next to him that Sirius had woken up and was now trying to pull the covers down. Remus gave Madam Pomfrey a nervous smile as he slipped his hand under the covers and smacked Sirius's head; a muffled '_ow_' came from the bed and Remus coughed to hide the sound.

"I'm okay, Madam Pomfrey," Remus told the nurse, who looked back at him like he was crazy.

Remus sighed in relief when Sirius stopped moving – obviously getting that he was supposed to be hiding and then realised what he'd just said.

"I mean, as well as I could be after last night," Remus said hurriedly.

"Of course dear, but I must tend to your wounds. I need to check whether you are alright."

Remus was about to reply when he suddenly felt hands along his very naked stomach – where he was extremely ticklish at that – the action making him jerk upright to get away from the teasing touch with a surprised yelp, knocking his head against the headboard.

"Are you okay Mr. Lupin?" the nurse asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Um, yes… I don't need to be checked- _really_. I'm fine," Remus said almost pleadingly while he inwardly scowled at the covers when he heard a soft bark-like laugh.

"Are you quite sure? You've never been okay before…?" Madam Pomfrey asked dubiously.

Remus bit his lip apprehensively as Sirius once again trailed a hand across his stomach.

"I'm sure," he choked out. "I'll come to the Hospital Wing if I feel that anything's wrong."

Madam Pomfrey nodded and with a worried glance, went to leave.

"Be sure to do that. And remember not to be late for class," she called over her shoulder.

As soon as the door had clicked shut, Remus pulled down the covers and fixed Sirius with an accusing glare. The other boy had a silly grin on his face.

Remus arched his eyebrows, and Sirius seemed unable to help himself as he burst out laughing. Remus rolled his eyes, flushing a little, and folded his arms across his ill-treated stomach.

"I don't know what you are laughing about. She almost found out," Remus rebuked Sirius.

"Aw, come on Moony – it was only a laugh." Sirius grinned.

"A laugh! What would she have thought, had she found, had she…" Remus trailed off as a pink blush spread over his cheeks.

"Had she found what Remus?" Sirius purred in Remus' ear, suddenly extremely close.

"F-found?" Remus stuttered as he turned his head to find himself an inch away from Sirius' smiling face.

Remus couldn't for the life of him recall what it was they had been talking about, only aware now of Sirius' closeness and his pure and fixed attention. Remus leaned back, still hugging himself in an attempt to feel more clothed in front of Sirius, as the smirking brunette crawled closer. It was a little too much for Remus, who believed by now, that his cheeks could possibly put a robin's chest to shame, and he shuffled backwards a little more than he originally intended.

Sirius' eyes grew wide and he made a grab for the slender boy, but was too late. Before Remus could work out what Sirius was playing at he felt himself fall back and hit the floor with a painful '_oomph_'!

Sirius peeked over the edge of the bed and looked down at the sprawled and rather startled figure of Remus. When Sirius let out a loud chortle, the flustered boy simply picked himself up and, with a reproachful glare at Sirius, walked over to where he'd left James and Peter, as Remus knew that Sirius would only laugh at him if he even tried to scold him.

James, it seemed, was already up and had watched the scene with a small smile that puzzled Remus.

"Is Peter awake?" Remus asked, snapping him out of his bemused state.

"Probably not. You know Pete," James said with a grin, and then kicked his foot out and snorted when he heard a quiet moan.

"James, you could find a gentler way of waking up a friend," a voice whined.

James simply rolled his eyes as Peter pulled off the cloak and yawned.

Remus glanced at the boy amusedly and shared a look with James.

"It's the only way to get you up Peter, and you know it," James decreed as he stood, his hair even more of a mess today than usual from sleeping on the floor.

Peter sniffed. "Yes well…. What's wrong with him?" the boy asked nodding to where Sirius still lay on the bed, occasionally chuckling to himself.

"So many things," James said, shaking his head with mock pity.

"Hey! I'll have you know Potter that there are many more things wrong with you then there ever will be with me!" Sirius yelled teasingly.

"Such as?" James asked, doubtfully raising his eyebrows.

"Well, there's your hair for one." Remus smiled at James' offended look and how he unconsciously smoothed out his hair, as Sirius continued. "And of course, there's Evans, I mean you're going to regret that on-"

Of course at this, James launched himself at the laughing Sirius and both boys tussled playfully.

"Take it back mutt, or-"

"Or what, Prongsy? Will you sic your _girl_ on me?" Sirius grinned.

James couldn't stop laughing, but then he suddenly stopped and adopted a sombre look.

"Yes, and she will hurt you for all your misdeeds and you will be sorry!"

Remus rolled his eyes and glanced at Peter who looked on enviously, ever the bystander. He then picked up the rest of his clothes and quickly slipped them on.

"Okay, we've got to go to class," Remus said, breaking up the play fight. "I think that's enough fooling around. We'll be late if we stay here any longer."

James and Sirius shared a grin before Sirius turned to Remus and pouted.

"But Mooooony! I wanna play!"

"Yeah Remus, we wanna play! And you played with Padfoot all night. I wanna go," James whined, playing along with a teasing glint in his eye.

Remus would have normally shrugged off this light-hearted banter with his usual show of exasperation, had not James' words suddenly struck him so.

_Play_…

The wolf's memories of the night before suddenly assaulted him and he took a slight step back, paling at the force. It was much the same as when he'd been to the Werewolf Registry Office and Ulric Charms had informed him of his unfortunate situation. This time there was one difference: he hadn't wanted the wolf's emotions to be felt, hadn't wanted the memories of such feelings of euphoria.

The feeling was so powerful, he had no doubt it was true in its origin. Remus was overcome with an emotion he was not too familiar with - joy with the slightest brush of hope and an almost warm undertone of desire that nearly had him on his knees.

Flashes of 'play' between howls that spoke his sorrow came back to his mind, and he recalled just how much fun he'd had with the black dog last night. The other two creatures he mostly ignored, the tawny wolf had been focused on only one creature that night, knowing it was the one who was needed to take away the pain. The playful fights had been almost tender and the wolf had been overjoyed to find the dog equally as eager.

"Remus?" a voice asked gently.

Remus suddenly came back from his memories, as a hand rested on his arm and he flinched from the feeling.

"Are you okay?"

Remus looked up into concerned grey eyes and tried to hide the bitterness with which he expelled the wolf's foolish hope. It would never be.

"We need to get to class," Remus murmured, pulling away from Sirius and leading the way out of the Shrieking Shack, missing the looks that were shared by Sirius and James, and Peter's faint frown of bewilderment.

-

On the way to the Great Hall (and hopefully a very large breakfast since Remus was feeling the after effects of the wolf's change and wanted something substantial to eat), James remembered he had promised to meet Lily in the common room. Then Peter seemed to decide that he should accompany James and had followed the boy. Sirius shook his head and muttered 'whipped' as they both scurried off.

"Which one?" Remus commented before he could stop himself and Sirius looked at him with an amused arched eyebrow.

"_Meow_ Moony." Sirius laughed as they carried on walking.

Remus flushed slightly and inwardly wondered just what was wrong with him this morning. Ever since they'd left the Shrieking Shack he'd felt strange, less… inhibited.

It scared him.

Thoughts that were certainly not the usual were flashing through his mind and every other one was of Sirius. It was almost as though his control had weakened, and he couldn't help but fear that it had something to do with this morning's remembrance of the wolf's intolerably strong feelings from last night.

The two boys had nearly reached the Great Hall when Remus noticeably stiffened. Sirius glanced at him in concern, but before Remus could warn him, ropes suddenly coiled their way around Sirius' body and he fell to the floor.

Remus watched, stunned when Evan Rosier violently brought a foot smashing down into Sirius' face, kicking him hard. Sirius's nose broke with a harsh _crack_ that made him yell out in pain. Rosier then raised his wand, and whispered a word Remus didn't recognise. The unknown spell seemed to be effective however, as it wrenched a scream from Sirius that continued until it finally escalated and stopped. Rosier was breathing raggedly from the energy he'd just used for his dark spell but looked the happiest Remus had ever seen him. Then the Slytherin turned to Remus and smirked.

"Just that justice I was telling you about - Black's nose for mine," Rosier sneered. "His nose and possibly a couple of ribs, a finger or two and maybe even a-"

Remus could no more stop what he did next than he could for a volcano erupting. Everything was then so simple: Sirius was his mate. His mate was hurt. Rosier was the one that was hurting his mate. Therefore Rosier was the enemy. Rosier was _dead_.

Remus lunged at the smirking boy and attacked him with all the viciousness of an animal pushed into a corner. Rosier yelped, as Remus forced him to the floor and grabbed his collar, snarling with rage as his victim tried to get away. Rosier seemed to finally understand that he'd made a Big Mistake and that the little Gryffindor wasn't quite as mild and not nearly as weak as he'd supposed.

Remus, pinning his prey down with his lower body, pulled his head off the stone floor and smiled manically as he smashed Rosier's head down and heard a satisfactory '_crack'_.

Rosier screamed with pain and struggled even more desperately to get away. Remus held him down coldly and punched the boy in the stomach to stop his escape. Rosier cried out as Remus continued his assault, watching the vicious gleam in his attacker's eye that seemed to promise that this was the end. Remus then leaned down and looked into his dark eyes, his own amber ones alight with ferocity.

"You. will. _not. _touch. him. again," Remus whispered.

Sirius watched all this aghast, unable to believe that the boy in front of him was the Remus he'd known for the better half of his life. He struggled out of the bindings and did something he never thought he'd do: help a Slytherin.

"Remus! Remus, stop!" Sirius yelled over Rosier's painful yelps.

Remus ignored the words and carried on with the necessary task of removing the threat to himself and his mate.

Sirius saw that in this state the boy wouldn't listen, so he grabbed Remus' arms tightly, stopping the hands that swung so fatally towards the battered Slytherin underneath him.

Remus snarled as he was lifted from his prey and Sirius had to pin him against the wall, to keep the boy from escaping his hold.

Remus writhed wildly before he heard a faintly soothing voice and slowly he calmed down.

"…alright now Remus, just stop fighting me okay?" the gentle voice continued. "It'll be fine. Rosier's not worth killing - well he is, but not worth Azkaban. Okay, Moony? Moony?"

Remus finally went limp in Sirius' grasp, and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. But then the slender boy gave a soft sob and collapsed to the floor, tears escaping confused amber eyes.

Sirius bent down but Remus refused to look up at him.

He felt so ashamed.

Remus couldn't believe how he'd just lost control so easily, so completely. It had felt like something had possessed him, and Remus shivered as he thought about how the violent thirst for revenge had flowed through his body, so simply and entirely that nothing else had made sense.

"Remus?"

Remus glanced up at Sirius, still crying, though now his tears silently fell down his cheeks as he tried to regain some rule over his body. However, he could not quell his horror at what he'd done. His eyes returned to Rosier's mangled body over and over again.

"It's alright Remus. He's not dead. Hardly even unconscious, really," Sirius said as he watched Remus.

"But it's certainly a wonder that he isn't," came a dreadfully sharp voice that both boys recognised with perfect dismay.

McGonagall had appeared from around the corner of the corridor and seemed to have gone pale with outrage. Neither Remus nor Sirius had ever seen her so angry and both boys felt nervous under her livid glare.

"Would you mind explaining _this_, Mr. Black?" she hissed accusingly at Sirius, who flinched accordingly at the icy command.

Sirius stood up and slowly looked McGonagall in the eye. Remus knew what Sirius was about to do so before the other boy could take the blame, he too stood up and quickly stammered out. "It wasn't S-Sirius Professor, it was m-me. Rosier attacked Sirius and I – then I – I…." Remus stopped, miserably looking to the floor to avoid looking at McGonagall's shocked expression.

"I'm not sure if I believe this Mr. Lupi-"

"It was me. Ask Rosier," Remus said quickly.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows before fixing Remus with a calculating look. But soon she seemed satisfied, and without taking her eyes off Remus, told Sirius to take Rosier to the Hospital Wing.

"But, Professor I-"

"Now Mr. Black, before Mr. Rosier becomes critical. And get yourself seen to - that nose does not look good," McGonagall said before pursing her lips disapprovingly. "You'd best come with me, Mr. Lupin."

Remus acquiesced with a weary nod and left Sirius staring after him worriedly, looking from Rosier to his fading figure with a bewildered anxiety.

-

"Ah, Mr. Lupin, do come in. Sherbet Lemon?" Dumbledore offered, in a somber way.

Remus shook his head miserably as he stood by the Headmaster desk, certain that this was it: he was going to be expelled from a school he had no right to be in in the first place.

"Down to business then, hmmm? Please, sit down," Dumbledore said gently, pointing to the armchair behind the boy which Remus sank into gratefully. "Now, would you like to tell me what happened?"

And so Remus did, leaving nothing out. He told the Headmaster about Rosier and his previous threats, about the boy's attack on Sirius, his own retaliation and most importantly his strange lapse of control that he couldn't understand – the feeling that had promoted such violence.

"Hmmm, well that answers that, I suppose," Dumbledore mused aloud.

"What answers what sir?" Remus asked, puzzled.

"I understand Mr. Lupin that you are going through a period that most werewolves find exceedingly difficult stages of their life?" Dumbledore asked slowly, his bushy eyebrows rising enquiringly.

Remus nodded, wondering how much the wizard knew and then inwardly sighed - Dumbledore always knew everything.

"Quite. So I am also led to believe that in this period the wolf sometimes dominates an individual if it is provoked," Dumbledore continued, his twinkling eyes never leaving Remus' nervous ones.

"I don't know sir, no one's exactly been clear with me about this whole… thing," Remus answered honestly.

"Well, I have it on good authority that this is so. I believe that the cause of this imbalance is due to the wolf's emotional state, and the need of a mate," Dumbledore said.

Remus nodded wretchedly.

"I suppose I should pack my things then?" he asked.

"And why would you want to do that Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, I don't suppose you want an emotionally unbalanced werewolf roaming around Hogwarts. Just look at what I've done to Rosier," Remus said miserably.

"No, an emotionally unbalanced werewolf is never a happy thing, but I think you needn't leave us just yet." Dumbledore smiled softly.

"You mean I'm not expelled?" Remus asked, quiet hope filling his eyes.

"Not today Mr. Lupin, but I would like you to do something about this," Dumbledore suggested gently. "The situation is only causing you pain."

Remus looked up into Dumbledore's caring expression and his heart quickened frightfully. Did Dumbledore know? Did he know about Sirius?

"I wish I could do something Headmaster, but it's impossible," Remus said, sighing sadly.

"Nothing is impossible, merely improbable." Dumbledore paused and then smiled. "I think I may have a solution for you, Mr. Lupin."

-

_To be continued…_


	10. Chapter 9

**A Mate **

**Chapter 9: Dubious Solutions**

Remus entered the common room, feeling vaguely sick. There was only Sirius and James in there and it was pretty late as Remus had spent nearly all day talking with Dumbledore and making arrangements. He walked in and sat down next to Sirius on one of the red sofas, hardly noticing the other boy's concerned look. James sat close by on an armchair and Remus wondered if they had been talking about him and the… incident.

Yet now he had a bigger problem to deal with: Dumbledore's proposition.

Remus sat there staring forward, showing no outward sign of his considerable distress.

"What happened, Remus?" the voice spoke so suddenly that Remus started.

"I'm not in trouble. Dumbledore was very… understanding," Remus murmured, his eyes that were still locked to the floor narrowed slightly at the irony of that statement.

James and Sirius seemed to relax at his answer.

"You are okay though, Moony?" Sirius asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

"I'm fine," Remus said quietly and then looked up into Sirius' eyes, seeming to awaken from his bemused state. "Are you okay? Did the nurse fix you?"

Sirius grinned that Boy-Hero grin, which always caused a reaction in Remus and he gave a small smile at the presence of such a thing. No matter how he was feeling, Sirius never failed to inspire that brief moment of aching happiness within Remus. Despite Sirius being so unattainable, Remus' heart still jumped at the sight of his friend. He inwardly shook his head at himself and his silly heart. To feel this strongly for someone who knew nothing of his emotions was probably the worst torment he could wish upon anyone.

"Of course she fixed me. I wouldn't be out of the Hospital Wing if I wasn't – you know how Pomfrey is." Sirius smiled.

Remus nodded, his smile growing fractionally as he looked into Sirius' playful eyes, unable not to respond to the other's light-hearted attitude.

"So, if you're not in trouble then why were you with Dumbledore so long?" James asked Remus thoughtfully.

Remus flushed and looked down, mumbling something the other two didn't quite hear.

"What?" Sirius and James asked, with matching puzzlement.

"I have to meet someone tomorrow," Remus said with a sigh.

"Why would you have to meet someone? Because of what happened?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"They're not sending you to a counselor, or something are they?" James asked, looking a little shocked.

"No." Remus shook his head quickly, and gave a short laugh.

"So who do you have to meet?" Sirius asked, curiously.

Remus sighed again, pulling his legs up on the sofa and encircling them with his arms. He just couldn't believe what Dumbledore had suggested, and how completely wrong he had been to believe that it was what Remus wanted. He didn't want to tell his friends who he was meeting, but the situation had been on his mind for the past couple of hours, so Remus started talking about it before he could think of the consequences. Not that they'd matter if this went ahead….

"Her name is Rachel Nokomis. I have to meet her tomorrow morning. She's a student from The Hutchinson School for Magically Gifted Children. It's in New York, apparently," Remus answered gloomily.

"Why would you need to meet her?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

Remus looked at his friend's wondering gazes and cursed himself for having such caring friends.

"She's a, um, werewolf," Remus said hesitatingly.

James and Sirius shared a look that made Remus slightly apprehensive that they knew more than they were letting on.

"I thought no other school would allow werewolves in?" James asked.

"It seems that that is not the case when the Headmaster of the school owes your werewolf family a favour." Remus smiled cynically.

"Well, that's not very fai-"

"You still haven't said _why_ you need to see her," Sirius interrupted James.

"Oh, well, erm," Remus began haltingly, worriedly trying to think up an excuse. "Dumbledore thought it would be good for both of us."

There, true enough.

"Has this got anything to do with-"

"I'm a little tired. I'm going to go to bed okay?" Remus asked, already retreating to the dorms.

"Good night Remus," James called as he walked up the stairs.

Remus repeated the pleasantry and quickly retreated to his bed.

-

Had Remus stayed, he might have been surprised at the completely wounded voice that sounded out in the empty common room.

"He's hiding something from us."

"Mmm, and if you keep acting suspicious he'll know and so we'll never find out what it is," remarked James.

"So you believe me now then?" Sirius asked, his mood a little lighter at this.

James nodded thoughtfully.

"If anyone could see something wrong with Remus, it'd be you Padfoot."

Sirius gave James a faint grin, and the messy-haired boy silently sniggered when he noticed Sirius' cheeks redden.

"Besides," James continued, "Dumbledore's involved now, and you know he has to poke his nose into everything of importance."

Sirius gave a short bark of laughter, before frowning at a thought.

"But why this girl? It must have to do with something about werewolves. But what?"

James shook his head, unable to answer. Instead he asked what had happened that morning with Rosier.

As soon as James mentioned it, Sirius became unusually silent, an almost wondering look in his eyes.

"It was unbelievable Prongs. It was as though Remus was someone else – you know how he's so reserved, sometimes so bloody much that you just wanna shake him?" James nodded, and they shared a brief smile. "Well, this time he wasn't – he didn't hold back.

"Rosier and the other Slytherins have done some pretty horrible things to Remus and he's never – not once – reacted, and this time Rosier didn't even touch him. He was another person, and I think I can guess who," Sirius finished, giving James a meaningful look.

James's eyebrows rose in surprise. "The wolf? I suppose it would make sense, and perhaps that's why this werewolf girl's coming - to help him?"

"We should be the ones to help him, James," Sirius said fiercely. "Not some bloody stranger. We've stood by him for years, supported him, looked out for him. That's what we're here for. He has to know how much shutting us out is-"

Sirius stopped abruptly, raking his hand through his hair with agitation.

James smiled sadly, it did seem that Remus really didn't see how much he was hurting his friends – Sirius in particular.

-

Remus glanced at his watch for what must have been the thousandth time that morning. He sighed when he saw he still had ten minutes before he had to go and meet this girl. He had no idea what he was going to do. He didn't want to disappoint Dumbledore, but he knew it would be impossible to form a bond with a person of the sex he wasn't attracted to.

Remus had an uncomfortable suspicion that when he met Miss Nokomis he'd be at a loss for words, as he couldn't think of something to say to stop her believing that he wanted to bond, except the truth that is. Remus sighed and looked at his watch - again.

Five minutes.

"Merlin, Remus. Calm down."

Remus looked up from his bed to see Sirius flop next to him, watching him with amusement. The boys were all still in their dorms, enjoying the Saturday morning. Well, Sirius was. Remus was too nervous to enjoy anything at the moment and James and Peter were still asleep.

"You look so nervous, I could almost mistake this meeting for a date." Sirius laughed.

Remus flushed and laughed a little guiltily. Sirius must have noticed something, for he frowned.

"It's not… is it Moony?" Sirius asked, his hand suddenly under Remus' chin, lifting his head up to meet fierce grey eyes.

"I -I'm going to be late," Remus stammered, quickly getting up and near running out the room.

He didn't stop until he got to Dumbledore's office, where he leaned back against the door and closed his eyes wearily.

Wonderful.

Now Sirius has found out about this little 'date'. Remus bit his lip in agitation at his friend's curiosity. Not that it mattered. Sirius wouldn't care if he was going out with some-

The door was pulled open quite suddenly and Remus staggered backwards a little and collided with someone who let out a quiet laugh. Remus' face burned as he turned around, and muttered an apology to the person he'd fallen into.

"It's fine." The girl smiled slightly.

Remus looked at her and immediately recognised her as a fellow werewolf. Her scent confirmed what his instincts seemed to already know, as it always did when he met another of his kind.

"Remus, I'd like you to meet Rachel Nokomis. Rachel, this is Remus Lupin," Dumbledore said, beaming from behind the slight girl.

_Ah._

She wasn't what he'd expected – some small perfect-looking blonde with lots of lip-gloss and a vapid expression. Instead he found himself being subjected to a calculating gaze of a slender girl, who was perhaps a little older than himself. Her black hair looked ruffled and her cheeks were flushed as though she'd been running. Remus was surprised when she held out her hand with warm exuberance, and as Remus shook it, she smiled. It seemed her initial wariness had already disappeared.

"I take it you'll be my guide for today then, Remus?" Rachel asked.

"Yes." Remus couldn't help but return her pleasant behaviour. "Just tell me where you'd like to go."

"Somewhere we can talk – perhaps outside?" she suggested, biting her lip, bringing Remus' attention to the small white scar that ran down from her bottom lip to just under her chin.

"Sure." Remus smiled.

He glanced at her again, as she turned to leave Dumbledore's office and noted that she was dressed in Muggle clothes strangely enough – a long sleeved blue dress that subtly outlined the girl's figure.

Remus sighed at his reaction to what he'd just seen.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

If the two young werewolves had looked back, they would have seen Dumbledore watching them go, smiling with his eyes twinkling….

-

"Get up, Prongs! Get up!" Sirius yelled, shaking his friend slightly.

"Arghh…" James mumbled as his right eye struggled to open. "Whayouwa?"

"I want you to get up. It's an emergency," Sirius stated, pulling at James' arm.

"Okay, okay… Merlin," James moaned blearily, yawning as he got up. "So what's the emergency?" he asked as he started dressing.

"Remus."

James tried not to roll his eyes, but failed magnificently due to his morning mood.

"Why? What's happened to induce your paranoia _this_ time?"

"I thought you said you believed me?"

"I do. However, Remus is a big boy, and, as he's recently showed us, he can take care of himself if any-"

"He shouldn't have to! That's why I'm here!" Sirius burst out angrily before realising what he'd just said, and looked at the floor, ignoring James' amused face. "I mean, just…. It's not good James, it's really bad."

James was actually starting to worry now and felt quite guilty for having dismissed Sirius' earlier claims.

"Why? What is it?"

"I think Remus is on a date," Sirius said gravely.

Understanding flicked on in James' brain, and he hit Sirius on the head.

"You woke me up for that?" he asked irritably.

James then proceeded to flop back on his bed, and closed his eyes.

"Prongs you don't get it. I asked him if it was a date with that werewolf girl and he didn't answer!" When Sirius didn't get a comment back he continued, "And you know what poor Rem's like, she'll eat him alive! And why are they on a 'date' anyway? I mean, even if they're not, don't you think we ought to find out what it's about? I mean Dumbledore doesn't usually Floo people out from America just for the pleasure of match-making does he?" Sirius pointed out.

James opened his eyes to look at Sirius incredulously.

"You want us to stalk them?" he asked.

"Not stalk them Prongs – just follow. We could use your Invisibility Cloak – it would be okay, they'd never see us," Sirius pleaded.

"They are werewolves Sirius – they don't need to _see_ us," James said pointedly.

Sirius sighed irritably. "Then we'll keep our distance and cast a Listening Charm or something. Please James? Pleeeeaaase?"

James softened slightly when he saw the desperation in his friend's eyes and remembered how it had been for him with Lily, and what lengths he'd been willing to go to get her.

"All right, from a distance," James agreed and then sighed. "But really Sirius, you should tell him you like him for Merlin's sake – if only to save my sanity."

Sirius grinned and dragged James up happily, running out of the room.

James noted amusedly that Sirius hadn't disputed what he'd said about his affection for Remus.

-

Remus sat down next to Rachel near the lake, and as the girl surveyed the grounds of Hogwarts, he wondered what on earth he was going to do. It would have been easier had she not been so nice but she was - so much so that she could have been sorted into Huffelpuff fairly easily (if she'd had a more naive nature that is). There was something about her that made her seem older, a knowing air that made Remus vaguely uncomfortable, as it only served to remind him how the wolf could change a person, as it had himself.

"It's really beautiful here. Hutchinson doesn't have many open grounds. There are gardens but nothing as free as this. You probably are very grateful," the girl said as she gazed around appreciatively.

Remus smiled faintly, reveling in the feeling of having another like himself near, someone who could understand the nature of the wolf.

"Yes, I'm indebted to Dumbledore," Remus said.

Rachel smiled and looked at Remus, who was suddenly apprehensive.

"Look, Remus, I need to say that-"

Remus interrupted her, his cheeks as rosy as hers had been earlier.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but before you say anything you need to know that I can't do this. I'm already in love." Remus' eyes widened at his own bitter admittance, wondering how he kept finding these kinds of things out only when he told other people. He carried on, stammering slightly as he avoided the girl's eyes. "And I'm not - I've found that… well, I don't like girls so much as boys so I wouldn't be able to…."

Rachel gave a slow smile.

"I know how you feel completely," she said softly, amusement dancing in her eyes. "My father hasn't caught on yet. You see, there's this girl…."

Remus looked up, startled, and then both of them started to laugh. Their giggling grew loud as both found genuine humour in their ridiculous situation.

"I guess that solves this, doesn't it?" Remus grinned, feeling quite relieved.

"Yes, I am very glad of that. Although I do wonder why it was that your Headmaster wrote to my father suggesting this, didn't he know about you?"

A thought struck Remus. "Perhaps he did."

Remus had felt, well, uncomfortable to say the least when he'd found out about his personal little mess. The fact that he liked the same gender worried him constantly, and made him believe that there was something wrong with him, that a werewolf shouldn't like the same gender due to the difficulty in finding a mate. But now that Rachel had told him she had the same problem, it seemed to take off most of the worry and Remus found that he no longer cared as much as before. Remus had a sneaking suspicion that the Headmaster really did know what he was doing in bringing Rachel to Hogwarts for the day. Another thing that had reassured Remus that his affection for Sirius was not a problem was his revelation of just how strong his feelings for Sirius actually were.

Love – such a thing should never be taken lightly. This was why he'd been reacting so strongly to Sirius….

"Well, at least we know that this is possible for werewolves right? That we're not_ freaks of_ freaks of nature?" Rachel echoed his thoughts perfectly.

"Thank you for that, Rachel." Remus smiled.

"Thank _you_, Remus," she said just as sincerely, before giving a little laugh. "So tell me, who's the lucky boy? I was so happy when we met earlier, though I could hardly believe you have the same problem that I do."

Remus flushed, unable to believe his 'date' had been the first he'd told about Sirius. Then he frowned at something Rachel had said.

"You knew before?"

"I can smell his scent on you, you let him touch you," she said simply. "That was the only reason why I greeted you so happily earlier. Believe me, I was not pleased to come here."

"Why can't I smell-"

Rachel shook her head sadly, a weary expression flickering over her face.

"She is beyond me," Rachel said, looking down at her lap. "I have no chance. She despises werewolves, and because my family is such a well-known werewolf family, it is impossible for her not to know about me. She will not show anything towards me but hatred."

Remus' heart went out to the sad, young girl beside him and he reproached himself for having been so miserable; at least Sirius didn't hate him. At least he could stay in his mate's company. Rachel didn't even have that.

He gently took her hand, and she looked up at him in surprise.

"I'm sorry," Remus murmured, and offered her the only thing he could. "I understand."

Rachel nodded, biting her lip again before suddenly burying her head in Remus' chest, muffling her sobs in the other werewolf's empathic embrace. Remus held Rachel and had to control his own grief, feeling the wolf react to one of its kin's pain and wish to keen its own story of loneliness. A couple of tears trickled down into Rachel's dark hair as Remus stroked it comfortingly, wishing he could take her pain away - pain so much like his own.

-

"Sirius! I said a distance, not bloody two feet away!" James hissed, restraining Sirius as he tried to pull further forward.

"But I want to know what they're saying," Sirius said between gritted teeth as he tugged at James in return.

"Padfoot!" James yanked Sirius back and they fell with thankfully less noise than expected. "You said something about a Listening Charm? Well…?"

"You mean you didn't bring your wand?" Sirius exclaimed.

"And just when was I supposed to do that? Before or after you dragged me out of bed to come spy on your-"

"Alright, alright," Sirius huffed. "I guess we're just going to have to listen normally."

"I take it you haven't got your wand either then. Great going. Well, let's just hope those puppy ears of yours help out, shall we?" James sniggered.

Sirius glared at James under the Invisibility Cloak, but said nothing and both boys' eyes returned to the two werewolves who sat near the lake, quite a distance in front of them.

They strained to listen but they were too far away, so they only picked up a little of the conversation.

"_I am very glad… Headmaster wrote to my father suggesting this…."_

"…_. he is."_

"_... we know that this is …… right…"_

"Right? What's right? She'd better not be trying to come on to-"

"Shhh!" James hushed his furious friend with an irritated nudge in the side.

"_... Rachel,"_

"_Thank you, Remus,"_

"What did he say?" Sirius frowned. "Just look at the little vixen, with her fake laughing and-"

"Sirius, would you be quiet? I'm trying to listen – unlike _you_," James hissed as he frowned slightly. Something wasn't right. He was sure he just caught another piece of the conversation that certainly hadn't matched with the other, and he wondered what this so called 'date' was truly about.

"…_. greeted you so happily earlier……… was … happy to come here."_

"_Why can't I…."_

"……_. Me…….. chance. ……. werewolves ……… family ….. well-known…."_

"…_..understand."_

The two spies watched with growing surprise as the dark haired girl suddenly buried her head in Remus' chest, his arms encircling her with a tenderness that the two friends were well-acquainted with from all the times Remus had ever comforted them.

"I told you, James," Sirius growled after a moment of seething silence. "That bitch really is after him."

James squinted to try and see the pair better.

"Sirius, I think they're both crying," James whispered back.

Sirius relaxed slightly.

"Really?" he asked hopefully, inching forward as he tried to get a better look.

James dragged him back again, but nodded in answer to his question.

"Yes, so now we've seen they're not making out or anything, but are actually having some kind of werewolf heart to heart, can we go?"

"I don't want her to have a heart to anything," Sirius snapped back, sulkily.

James sighed irritably. He knew something was going on here and he didn't think they had any right to intrude, especially Sirius with his bloody-minded possessiveness.

Hazel eyes widened as James suddenly saw that the girl and Remus were headed their way.

"Sirius," James whispered harshly. Sirius looked up and, seeing the danger of the near collision, jumped back with James just before the two werewolves walked into them.

Sirius grinned. "That was close. Come on Prongs."

"What? Where are we going?" James asked as Sirius ran, dragging the other boy with him.

"To the common room. Remus just invited _her_ up there. We need to get there before he does, otherwise he'll find out we've been on a walkabout and figure out where to and we're screwed."

"How do you always manage to drag me into these situations?" James groaned as they raced into Hogwarts.

"I guess it's just my natural charm." Sirius grinned.

-

_To be continued…_


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** As some of you may notice I have changed a character - that being Lucius Malfoy to Evan Rosier (see my reasoning in prologue). That's been the only major change as I've had this betad twice over and looked over it all again to bring it up to date. I'm sorry for how very long it's taken me to update, but one more chapter to go and an epilogue, which will be done soon too! Enjoy the chapter : )

* * *

**A Mate**

**Chapter 10: Miseries of Misunderstandings**

Sirius and James burst into the common room panting and gasping, the Invisibility Cloak thrown quickly at Peter, who was the only other person in the Tower, the rest of the Gryffindors very likely outside enjoying the strange warm break in the cold spring weather.

"Hide it…." James panted.

"Where have you two been?" Peter asked wonderingly, as he put the Cloak behind his back.

"No time… just-" James looked up, startled when the common room door swung open.

Sirius, regaining his own breath, quickly dropped next to Peter and pulled him closer by his collar.

"Say nothing," he whispered harshly. Peter nodded a little frightfully and Sirius let him go and sat back, trying to seem as casual as possible.

Remus and Rachel entered the room, and he regarded his quiet friends with some suspicion, something was going on here….

"Hi, Remus! Is this who you said you were meeting then?" James said cheerfully, nearly wincing at his overly-happy tone.

Remus, suddenly recalling his manners, ignored the strange atmosphere of the common room and nodded.

"Yes, I'd like you all to meet Rachel Nokomis." Remus smiled at the dark-haired girl, who grinned at them all warmly.

"Nice to meet you," she greeted them.

Sirius growled quietly, and James shot him an exasperated look before sitting down in a spare armchair.

"Rachel, this is Peter, James and Sirius," Remus said gesturing to them in turn.

When Remus introduced Sirius, Rachel looked at him sideways and raised her eyebrows so slightly, it was only Remus who noticed. Understanding her glance, he flushed a little and quickly went to sit down, hoping she wouldn't do anything to expose his secret. He'd explained to her on the way to the common room the situation he was in and she had responded with an empathetic understanding that Remus was grateful for; she understood his pain, just as he did hers.

"Well, I'm very glad Remus has friends like you," Rachel said happily as she sat next to Remus, shooting a sly glance at Sirius. "He's very lucky."

"And why's that then?" Sirius snapped at her, taking everyone by surprise.

Rachel seemed to recover quickly and hid an amused smile; it seemed as though Remus hadn't seen just how much Sirius' feelings mirrored his own, if the boy's near possessive rage was anything to go by.

"Because of his situation. To find someone who can support you, even though you're different is a wonderful thing," she murmured, smiling at Sirius' puzzled frown. "I wish I were as lucky."

Remus regarded the smiling girl with sad eyes and frowned at her words. There was so much sorrow for his kind; there was no escape from it. The curse of being a werewolf didn't stop at the physical pain of transformation: from the ruined innocence of youth to the emotional distance needed to survive in the human world. Werewolves suffered their isolated pain over and over, the added problem of this 'puberty' for the early turned werewolves proving to be the bitter icing on the cake.

James, seeing sadness overcome them both, noticed the almost eerie similarities they shared. Although Rachel's dark complexion and slightly unkempt appearance were complete opposites of Remus' tawny haired neatness, the two had the same slender build and the same sorrow of understanding that seemed to echo in their eyes. He'd never seen such silent loss and the appearance of it twice over made him shift uncomfortably.

"Is it nice, at Hutchison I mean?" James asked, not missing Remus' thankful expression at his change of subject.

"Hutchison is wonderful. Of course, it is sometimes a little hard, what with everyone knowing about me being a werewolf but they've had a few years to adjust to it, so it's not too bad." Rachel grinned, and Remus noticed her elasticity when it came to her moods, no matter what disturbed her, she always seemed to snap back to her warm smiles. He knew that trick, he had practiced it often.

As Rachel, James and Peter chatted about the differences between Hutchison and Hogwarts, Remus noticed that Sirius seemed strangely withdrawn. He was about to ask what was so wrong, when something Rachel said got his attention.

"Really? All I have is a cage, they don't seem to think I'll be safe if I have any more space than that," Rachel said, smiling sardonically.

"That's terrible!" Remus exclaimed.

Remus knew how trapped he felt on Transformation nights and he was only in a room. Even when he was at home, the worst he had to suffer was the cellar.

"Well, it makes the students feel safe, I suppose. They make sure they can't hear my lonely howls by placing a Silencing Spell on the room they keep my cage in. I suppose no one can hear you howling Remus?" Rachel asked.

Remus shook his head with a small smile. "Only some people in Hogsmeade, and for some reason they think it's a ghost." Remus laughed as he remembered one particular story he'd heard. "They say I'm a grieving soul howling for my lost love."

Remus looked over to Sirius to see his reaction at this amusing rumour, yet noted he only seemed even more agitated and was now openly frowning.

"Sirius? Siri?" Remus watched as Sirius snapped out of his brooding mood, and suddenly look up at him with a strangely troubled expression. "Are you okay?"

"Mmm, I've just got to check on something." And with that, Sirius quickly left for their dorm.

"What's the matter with him?" Remus asked with confusion.

James sighed and shook his head.

"Oh, Remus, would you mind taking me back to Dumbledore's office? My father should be there by now, he wanted to, erm, meet you," Rachel said wrinkling her nose slightly.

Remus nodded distractedly.

"Okay, I'll be back in a bit, James."

James nodded. "It was nice to meet you Rachel," he said, shaking her hand.

Peter repeated James' farewell and the two werewolves left, both looking equally preoccupied.

"Cloak," James said to Peter, holding out his hand.

Peter huffed and gave the Invisibility Cloak to James. "Are you _going_ to tell me what all this sneaking around is about?"

"Make sure Sirius is all right, okay Wormtail?" And with that, James disappeared under the Cloak and followed the two cautiously, wondering what this whole thing was about.

-

"Are you okay?"

Remus gave the girl a tired smile, and nodded.

"It's just, trying to figure out that boy is impossible, he'll be the death of me," Remus said, and then laughed darkly at how true that sentence was.

Rachel, sensing the double meaning suddenly stopped the boy.

"Don't be like that. You must know that-"

"And what do we have here? Ah, the little poof. Has your boyfriend dumped you, or have you just figured out you were fucking the wrong sex?" came a voice dripping with venom.

Remus turned wearily to face Rabastan Lestrange, one of the Slytherins that Rosier usually hung out with, and he noted that he had another Slytherin with him, someone whom he didn't recognise.

"Rabastan," Remus nodded at the scowling boy, and the blonde-haired girl who was with him.

"I did not give my permission for you to use my name. Rosier was right about you, nothing but an ignorant little gutter rat, one that scratches and bites like a girl. I'd watch out for him," he went on silkily to Rachel. "He's a violent little bitch. Why not go for a better man than that pathetic little worm?"

Rachel gave the boy a disdainful glance, and then turned her interest to his companion.

"I'd rather not go for a man at all, thanks," she said, as she rather blatantly looked the Slytherin girl, up and down.

Remus couldn't help but laugh at the shock on both the Slytherins' faces, and took the chance to quickly move past them both, Rachel and Remus giggling all the way down the corridor.

"Well, they weren't expecting that." Remus smiled.

"That was great!" Rachel laughed. "Does everyone know that you're gay?"

"What? No. They just assume I suppose." Remus smiled wryly. "And you? With your easy declarations, does everyone know that _you're_ gay?"

Rachel giggled again. "No. They just assume."

Both started laughing, and they made their way to Dumbledore's office, taking no notice of the still shocked shadow that breathed out that one startling word.

"_Gay_?"

-

Remus stopped Rachel, just before her hand opened the door.

"Rachel? What if your father still wants us to bond?" Remus asked with a frown.

It seemed from the girl's worried lip that she was also concerned, but then gave a small smile of reassurance.

"It'll be fine. He won't force it, not when he finds out," she said before opening the door.

"Finds out wha-"

"Remus, Rachel, do come in. Remus I'd like you to meet Mr. Nokomis, Mr. Nokomis, this is who I was telling you about," Dumbledore said cheerfully.

Remus looked at the man Dumbledore named as Rachel's father, and he held his breath as golden eyes raked into his very soul. An ageless gaze had Remus frozen at the older werewolf's inspection, and all he knew of the man were those eyes.

Suddenly Mr. Nokomis sighed, and looked away, glancing worriedly at his daughter, who gave him a small smile of comfort.

"You are already committed." His voice was deep and its resonance distracted Remus for a moment, before he realised what had been said.

"C-committed? I don't have a mate sir, if that's what you mean," Remus stammered under the other werewolf's gaze, nervous at appearing wrong in front of this man, who seemed so perceptive.

"No, not yet, but soon. You know who he is I believe?" Mr. Nokomis asked.

Remus flushed at his words and looked down, avoiding his questioning look.

"There is someone I believe to be… right," Remus murmured.

Mr. Nokomis nodded thoughtfully.

"His scent is already a part of your own, you have accepted him whether you know it or not. He is now the only one with the ability to become your mate, you will have no other," the older werewolf said, with a second sigh. "Ah well, thank you anyway, Albus. It seems we'll have to keep looking, this was just a pointless meeting."

Dumbledore smiled softly. "Not pointless, perhaps."

Remus looked up at the Headmaster, who seemed to be smiling at him and Rachel.

"No, not pointless. I'm glad to have met you, Remus Lupin." Rachel smiled, and she took the boy's hand and squeezed it softly.

Remus squeezed back. "And I you."

Rachel nodded, and then retreated to her father's side, and he looked at her sadly, as though she was already lost.

"Well, we must go. Farwell Albus, Remus, I wish you luck."

Remus nodded and watched as the two walked into the fireplace, and Flooed away. Rachel, the last to go, raised her hand in silent goodbye.

Remus sighed as she went, her sad plight melting away with her presence, like the smoke of the Floo powder.

"Thank you, Professor," Remus said quietly to Dumbledore.

The Headmaster raised his eyes to Remus with complete innocence, "For what dear boy?"

-

Sirius scoured the great volume in front of him, with panic-stricken eyes. His mind turned the conversation he'd just heard, over in his mind, with an alarmed urgency.

_"They make sure they can't hear my lonely howls, by placing a Silencing Spell on the room they keep my cage in. I suppose no one can hear you howling, Remus?"_

"Merlin, not this, not this, please no," he murmured, as he flicked the pages over and over, his mantra fiercer with every turn of the pages.

"_Only some people in Hogsmeade, and for some reason, they think it's a ghost. They say I'm a grieving soul howling for my lost love."_

"No, no, no, don't be, it can't be." Sirius came to the page he was looking for and sat back despairingly, as he read the passage.

'**_Werewolves and their Mates, Calls and Signs of the Search for Love_**

_In a werewolf's life, there comes a period where the child werewolf matures into an adult werewolf. This period is usually between the ages of sixteen and eighteen years, and only happens to those who have been afflicted with Lycanthropy before the age of sixteen. Those who are bitten after the normal stage of human puberty need not go through the stage, as this phaseis triggered by the changes an adolescent goes through. _

_The child werewolf will find his/her body changed by overnight maturation that occurs after the first full moon after their birth date. Changes are usually acquired due to the werewolf's previous existence in child form, and as they have now reached the stage of their 'puberty'. After this transformation has occurred, all the normal changes a human goes through the werewolf will soon become familiar with, such as growth of the body and sexual maturation. Other side effects of this change also include: a suggestion of their wolf-like appearance through certain alterations (such as eye/hair colour). _

_These changes, however, are minor compared to what the werewolf is now compelled to do. As the body is changed to that of an adult werewolf, the wolf's instincts will be activated, and the wolf soon becomes obsessed in the search for a mate. As an adult, a mate is one of the most important things to a werewolf (whether this mate be werewolf or not,) and the need for one if not satisfied before a maximum of six months, the werewolf will be driven to insanity and then will either kill her/himself in the transformation or give up living. _

_The period of the search for a mate is the most important in a werewolf's life. The beginning being the worst, a werewolf only knows of this need if he/she is either informed, or allows the wolf full control. _

Sirius' eyes then raked over the words that had triggered off his memory of the section of the book.

_**At this time the wolf is violent in its search for a mate and as such, it's lonely call can be heard exactly every hour, during the change. This is one of the first signs that the werewolf is in the process of searching for a mate.** The differences in the wolf are most easily notable on full moons, as the wolf is considerably more restless. Despite its natural territorial urges, it has been observed that the werewolf, when transformed in this stage, shows quicker acceptance towards other creatures in its territory, its loneliness alleviated by play with company. _

_Another sign, is the werewolf's increasing sensitivity of their senses, this phase usually happening as a backlash of the physical change, that happened in the previous couple of months, and does so to realign the werewolf's now matured senses - this phase being particularly painful if the werewolf has already found a potential mate, their body incorporating the mate's scent as a part of its own (see p.887, **'Scents and Sensibilities'**, for further details). Passing out during the end of this stage is not uncommon. _

_Nightmares are a clear sign of the wolf's change, the werewolf being either plagued by the wolf's aggressive desires or sexual lusts. Wild mood swings is another signal of this activated period. The wolf, when threatened, takes over completely, and the darker half of the werewolf controls the situation until calmed. This calm is usually achieved when certain conditions are met, one of these being the safety of-' _

Sirius shut the book with a dull thud, and slowly lifted a finger and traced the ingrained title: _'**Furry Paws; Human Heart' by**_** _U. R. Charms_.**

Sirius scowled at the cover, as if it had invented everything inside for no other purpose than seeing him miserable.

And he was miserable. So very miserable.

Remus had been going through this 'puberty', and he hadn't told anyone. He had been given a time limit on his very life and still Remus had said _nothing_. The one solution being love, he'd ignored the possible help from his friends. All the odd behaviour Sirius had observed in his best friend now came into the light, and with Rachel's sudden appearance, he sighed at the inevitable conclusion.

Remus had found a mate.

Sirius flung the heavy book away from him with a fierce shout of rage, and the ancient volume crashed to the floor, with a loud bang.

How dare he. How _dare_ he.

A small knock came on the door, and Sirius swallowed his rage, as he turned his angry eyes to the hesitant head that peeked around the door.

"Um, Sirius? James asked me to see if-"

"Go. Away," Sirius intoned, still seething, and finding that his anger only seemed to be growing.

Peter seemed to get the hint and scampered off quickly.

_How dare he…_

-

James walked into the common room, with a bemused smile that quickly turned into a frown.

_**BANG!**_

"What the-" James saw Peter and a few other Gryffindors sitting quietly in the common room, all looking a little wary, but pretending that they didn't hear the crashes that were coming from upstairs. "Peter, what is going on?"

Peter looked up at James, and winced at a particularly loud crash that was followed by something that sounded like "…_**dare he**!_"

"I don't know what you've been up to James, but if I were you, I'd just keep clear of him 'till he's calmed down," Peter said.

James frowned again, but then a look of comprehension crossed his face and he took a step towards the dorms.

"That's Padfoot, is it?"

"Don't go up there," one of the Gryffindors spoke up warningly. "He won't listen to anyone, and whoever's 'dared' to do whatever, should keep well clear of him."

James sighed as he walked up the stairs, ignoring the warning. As he knocked on the door and opened it, he ducked as what he believed to be a piece of a bed headboard, flew past him and smashed into the wall behind him. James looked critically at the raging Sirius, who was now resorting to punching Peter's poor unsuspecting teddy bear.

"_Pertrificus Totalus_," James intoned wearily, as he pointed his wand at Sirius, who soon seized up and fell to the floor, face down.

James sighed, and looked around at the wrecked room. None of the furniture was in one piece, and it seemed that Remus' bed had had the worst of it.

James walked over to Sirius, and turned the boy over, ignoring the stormy grey eyes that glared at him with outrage.

"You are bloody well lucky my mum likes me to do the housework, or you'd be in a lot of trouble, Padfoot," James said, shaking his head, before muttering numerous repair and cleaning spells around the room.

Soon it looked presentable enough, and James gave Sirius a cautious glance. The boy looked quite wretched now - obviously all that physical violence had been doing nothing for his rage, with the possible exception of feeding it that is.

"I'm going to let you move now. No curses – that was for your own good." James removed the spell and warily stepped back, as Sirius got up.

He expected an accusation, a yell or even a quick punch. What he didn't expect was Sirius racing past him, to the common room. James followed in astonishment, and watched as Sirius ran out of Gryffindor Tower.

"What _is_ going on?" Peter asked exasperatedly behind James, as he too watched Sirius' exit.

"I haven't the faintest idea." James sighed.

-

Remus came back to an oddly silent common room, where most of Gryffindor seemed to be gathered. He walked over to James and Peter, who were playing a game of chess (Peter, Remus noted, was about to be mated – lucky him) and greeted them wearily.

"How was the end to your date, Remus?" Peter asked pleasantly, as he moved into check.

Ah, even Peter had picked up on that, it seemed.

"Check," James said happily.

"It wasn't a date Pete, she's not my type," Remus said, with a faint smile.

"Oh." Peter moved his piece into James' trap. "But then why-"

"Checkmate," James pointed out, with a grin.

Peter sighed as his king was captured by the yelling mob.

"Where's Sirius?" Remus asked, suddenly.

Peter snorted and James shot him an irritated look.

"What? What's happened?" Remus asked.

"We don't know where he is, after his little tantrum, he just got up and-

"He's just gone for a walk is all," James replied.

"Gone, where? And what 'tantrum'?" Remus asked.

"He took the map so we can't find him. Merlin knows where he is. I think he just wants to be alone for a bit." James sighed.

Remus nodded, Sirius occasionally did this, but usually it took something to start him off – that something being his family. Respecting Sirius' feelings, he decided not to go and look for the boy, and said goodnight to Peter and James, before climbing up the stairs to bed.

As he stripped off and crawled under his sheets, Remus sighed as the day yet again flashed before him: Rachel's appearance, her similar circumstances, her father and his pronouncement that had been on Remus' mind all evening.

Committed.

He'd unintentionally committed himself to Sirius, someone that didn't want him. He was as good as already bonded, yet without his mate's acceptance, and so he was doomed to that end that Ulric Charms, the werewolf advisor, had fated he'd fall to, with no mate to soothe his lupine side.

Just a little under four months. That was all the time he had left. Remus stared at his drawn curtains, and wondered if he would know when he'd gone mad. How would he know? What was to say that the knowledge that Sirius would never, could never, be his mate hadn't already drove him into insanity, and he was a breath away from getting up and flinging himself out the window?

But no, that wasn't insanity, just suicide, and if anything, he wasn't going to do that. Remus knew just how precious his life was now, and he wasn't going to throw it away.

No.

He'd spend the last of it with his love. Even if Sirius didn't love him, he could still be with him; could still watch his smile, could still return his glances, could still say those reassuring words that came so easily when he wanted to set his loves' heart at ease. Even if he couldn't be completely happy, even if he knew he would be nothing without Sirius, he'd still go on for him.

Remus decided in that moment, that although the impossibilities of his situation doomed him, he would still be there for the one person who couldn't be there for him, and he'd be grateful for that, knowing that Rachel didn't even have that as compensation for her similar misplaced love.

Remus slipped into a dreamless sleep, and slept peacefully for the first time in a long time.

-

Sirius entered the dorm quietly, trying not to disturb the three sleeping boys.

It was well past midnight, and his wanderings had taken him over the school grounds as he angrily roamed Hogwarts, trying to find an answer to his one baffling question: _Why_ was he so angry?

Sirius was naturally an emotional person, and he expressed these emotions as he felt them, he did not analyse what he was feeling – he was not used to that, he'd never had a reason to stop and think about what he was feeling. But this was different, this was important, he knew.

There was also the little fact that one didn't normally destroy a room full of furniture, unless said destruction was called for.

Sirius looked around at the room guiltily, and sighed in relief when he saw James did a good job with the charms, he'd have to remember to thank him in the morning.

Sirius, unable to stop himself, quietly padded over to Remus' bed, and gently lifted the curtains, gazing at Remus' sleeping face, as if waiting for the answer to his tortured question to appear.

Why had he been so angry that Remus had found a mate? Shouldn't he be happy for him? After all, the boy wasn't going to die. That was a good thing, wasn't it?

Sirius sighed as he studied his friend's face; his soft tawny hair tumbling over his forehead, framing his angelic-like features perfectly.

Sirius accepted he had a crush on his friend. He'd found he liked Remus a little more than he'd originally believed, when the boy had returned from what Sirius now knew to be his 'puberty' change. Sirius had thought it would have all gone away by now, that it had been just a few errant hormones playing games with his mind.

It seemed that it was anything but. Instead of recovering from the attraction to Remus, it had grown and now the thought of him having someone else as a lover, filled Sirius with a possessive rage that screamed at him not to let this terrible scene play out.

Yet what could he really do? This fury seemed to originate from his feelings for his friend, ones which Sirius now admitted in defeat were affection, lust and… love….

Love.

He was in love with Remus.

Remus, who was mated to Rachel Nokomis. Remus, who was expecting nothing more from him than friendship; Remus; sweet, gentle Remus, who seemed to keep so many secrets.

As Sirius gazed at the boy with a new sense of wonder, he felt the lash of bitterness as what he had to do sunk in. Against everything that made Sirius Sirius, he would have to do as Remus did, and keep this secret.

Remus couldn't know of his love, if Remus found out, it would hurt him. Sirius knew he'd only upset the boy with his unrequited love, and yet he wondered how he'd survive without the tawny haired boy at his side in the way Sirius wished it: as his lover.

Nevertheless, he wouldn't be without him, Sirius realised suddenly. Although he mightn't be able to hold him, to love him, he could still love him openly as a friend.

Sirius gave the boy one last look, and a fleeting caress, before dropping the curtain back down, and he walked over to his own bed.

Yes, he'd keep this secret, for Moony's sake.

-

_To be continued…_


	12. Chapter 11

**A Mate**

**Chapter 11: Discovery of Intentions**

It had been three days since the two silent pledges were made, and still things were uneasy with the Marauders.

James was ready to pull out his hair with frustration, as he continued to watch his friends act so oddly; even Peter seemed a little distracted, and James, knowing Margot was certainly out of the picture, wondered what was on the boy's mind.

The most tension in the group however, was coming from none other than Remus and Sirius. The two were acting like stilted strangers, as if their happy and affectionate friendship had never been. The physical contact between them that had recently began, faltered into nothing and the James watched with despair, as both seemed to retreat from each other.

James couldn't for the life of him comprehend this sudden distance. If Remus and Sirius had had some kind of argument he could understand, but Remus had been with Rachel at the time of Sirius' explosion, which seemed to be the thing that had begun this strange stalemate.

Yet why was Remus acting the same way?

James shook his head as he watched his two friends across the common room, as they completed their homework for the day. Usually there would have been laughter, teasing glances and talking, but now there was only silence.

"What is the matter James? If you huff anymore, you'll turn into a steam train," a soft voice murmured.

James glanced at his girlfriend, and tiredly gestured to the silent pair.

"Oh."

James watched a curious smirk flicker over Lily's face, before it quickly disappeared.

"What?" James frowned suddenly. "Do you know something?"

Lily's eyes widened innocently. "And what would I know of your friends, that you don't?"

James looked at her suspiciously, before he noticed Sirius getting up and going towards their dorm room.

"We'll have words later," James said to her, warningly.

Lily bobbed her tongue out and James couldn't help but smile at his girlfriend's playful impertinence.

He quickly raced up the stairs to catch Sirius lying on his bed, eyes mournfully focused on the ceiling.

"Well, Sirius, are you going to tell me what's been wrong with you for the past couple of days, or are you just going to sulk some more?" James asked lightly, as he sat down on his friend's bed.

"Go 'way James," Sirius muttered, as he continued his moody glaring at the ceiling.

"Hmmm, let me think… no." James' eyes narrowed. "Look Padfoot, I understand that you're upset, I really do, but what do you think this stupid moodiness is doing to the rest of us? I've even had McGonagall come up to me and ask if you're all right!"

Sirius snorted, and James, seeing that he was making some headway, continued.

"We're all concerned, how do you think we feel? How Remus feels, do you think he-"

"Don't talk to me about Remus, James," Sirius growled suddenly, sitting up to turn his glare on James. "He probably feels a hell of a lot better than what I'd make him feel, if the reason for my 'moodiness' got out."

James frowned, wondering what he was on about.

"Do you mean if he found out you like him?" James's frown deepened when he saw Sirius flinch. "Padfoot, really, I think it would just be best for you to tell him if that's all that's been bothering you. I think you'd be pleasantly surprised if you-"

"If I what James?" Sirius snarled, getting up to pace about angrily, his hand raking back his dark hair, with furious emotion. "If I tell him how much I'm in love with him? Should I tell him _that_?"

James, shocked by the strength of Sirius' feelings, could only stare at the other boy in astonishment.

"Should I beg him to be with me, to love me when he's got no bloody inclination to be more than friends? Should I ask him not to love that American bitch and stop a process that he has no control over, to die, for me?" Sirius raged.

James frowned, wondering what Sirius was on about.

"You mean Rachel? Sirius, they're not together at all. She's not interested in Remus, and neither is he in her," James said, before smiling slightly. "Look after you'd come up here on Saturday, I followed them back to Dumbledore's office and found out that it wasn't a date at all, Sirius. They're both gay. Remus and Rachel are gay."

Sirius stared at James, before shaking his head in denial.

"That is where you're very wrong, Prongs." Sirius picked up the book that had made him so angry and threw it on his bed, with distaste. "Read page 923 and you'll know exactly how wrong you are. Don't come to me and tell me things you don't know for certain. Remus is lost to me and I'd no more make him be mine than I'd shoot him with a silver bullet."

James watched as Sirius stormed out, obviously upset. He sighed, and wondered what the hell Sirius had got into his stupid head this time. He turned to the page and read the chapter entitled '**_Werewolves and their Mates, Calls and Signs of the Search for Love'._**

_'…lonely call …exactly every hour during the change…._

_…wolf is considerably more restless…._

_…quicker acceptance towards other creatures in its territory… _

_…increasing sensitivity of their senses…particularly painful if the werewolf has already found a potential mate, their body incorporating the mates scent as a part of it's own…. _

_…Nightmares…. _

_…Wild mood swings ….'_

"Oh, bollocks," James whispered softly.

James now understood Sirius' reaction completely. With Rachel's untimely appearance and Remus' kinship with her, Sirius must have thought that Rachel was Remus' mate. But that couldn't be so, if what he'd heard was correct. Remus and Rachel were gay, they'd said it – laughed about it, and if a werewolf needed a mate, he knew it probably had to include love, a bond like that couldn't last without it.

James read on the next page, and his eyes widened at what he read.

_'The wolf, when threatened, takes over completely and the darker half of the werewolf controls the situation until calmed. This calm is usually achieved when certain conditions are met, one of these being the safety of the mate. The werewolf is only usually provoked to act at its most violent if the potential mate is in danger. Any aggressor is lucky if they escape alive from the werewolf's uncontrollable urge to kill the threat.…' _

Everything seemed to suddenly make sense, everything that had been wrong with Remus: his odd avoidance with Sirius at the beginning of term, his strange indifference at everyone's approving attention to his appearance, his preoccupation whenever Sirius was around, and his seemingly random blushes. Now everything was made clear, and James was sure he heard a '_click_' in his mind, as he slotted all the pieces together.

"Sirius is Remus' mate." James smiled. "Sirius thinks it's Rachel who's his mate, and Remus, probably believing Sirius to be straight, has tried to go on, despite his feelings. Oh, they don't know what is coming to them."

James' grin was disturbingly on the edge of what could be described as 'manic', and he let out a low chuckle.

"Right, time to sort this little mess out, but first a confirmation." With that, James walked down to the common room to see a certain redhead.

-

Remus' eyes narrowed slightly as Eve pressed closer to Sirius, biting her lip as she pointed out something on her homework scroll, and smiling up at Sirius when he explained to her the answer.

She had no right to be there. Remus clenched the Transfiguration book in his hands tightly, as the dark-eyed girl suddenly placed her hand on Sirius' leg, casually, as if she had a right.

The wolf inside Remus growled, but the tawny-haired boy refused to show his anger, pushing it aside, it wasn't as if Sirius was responding to her flirting. No, Sirius had been anything but responsive over the last couple of days. Remus frowned as he thought about Sirius' strange distance, and watched him with injured eyes, as he continued to talk to Eve, something that he'd stopped doing with Remus that morning. It was as if some invisible barrier had been placed between them, and Remus was worrying - what if Sirius had found out? What else could the reason be? He knew that some of the awkwardness between them was because of his own feelings and new resolution to hide them forever, yet he hadn't expected the complete withdrawal of their friendship that seemed to be slowly, but surely happening.

Remus' eyes were suddenly drawn to Sirius, who had looked up just in time to catch him staring. Their gazes locked, and the question in both their eyes was enough to drown a world. What was this strangeness between them? Why now, as they gazed at one another, did that same strangeness seem to ascend to a higher level? The ferocity of their mutual gaze kept them transfixed, and would have gone on, had not Remus felt other sets of eyes upon him.

He broke contact with Sirius – the most contact that he'd had with the other boy for days – and looked to where he knew he was being watched.

James and Lily.

As soon as they saw they had attracted his attention, they busily lapsed into quiet whispers, too quiet for even Remus' werewolf hearing. He wondered what they were talking about, and a dreadful apprehension came over him as James called Sirius over to them both.

The three began to talk, and Sirius seemed to become agitated. Remus' breathing hitched a little as he saw Sirius' angry glare, and he could bear it no longer. Quickly shutting his book, he walked out of the common room and up to his dorm, his breathing in ragged gasps, as he tried to get his emotions under control.

They knew.

They must know. What else would they be talking about?

Remus curled up on his bed, and drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them in his usual defensive stance.

Lily, despite her word, must have just told James that he was gay, who in turn just told Sirius, who… who didn't look very happy about it, to say the least.

Remus' gasps were coming in short bursts, anyone else might have thought that they were sobs, but Remus' eyes were dry, tired from their constant leaking.

The slender boy bit down hard on his lip to stop himself, to regain some control. He came back to himself with a start, when he suddenly discovered a salty taste in his mouth, and brought trembling fingers to his lips, frowning slightly as they came away red.

He couldn't suffer the thought of Sirius hating him. Yet, was there a difference? Was this silence and distance preferable to at least some glances, even if they were hateful?

Remus shook his head, as he collapsed back on his bed, and closed his eyes wearily.

He couldn't answer.

-

"I don't want to hear it, James," Sirius warned his best friend, as he approached him warily.

"Sirius, I am asking you to stop acting so pig-headed. Not only are you hurting yourself, you are also hurting Remus," James said as he fixed his friend with a serious look.

Sirius' eyes flicked to where Remus sat, the boy seeming to be engrossed in his book, and he frowned while he read.

"Does he know? Is that why everything's so…." Sirius trailed off and suddenly remembered that he was also in the presence of Lily. "What is she doing here?" he asked stiffly.

Lily seemed to be in a very happy mood, and surprised Sirius by giving him a wide grin. "I'm here to help you silly boys out of this mess."

"Yes, well you could have done it a lot sooner Lily," James said irritably, as he looked at his girlfriend. "Just tell him please."

Lily rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath, before she smiled sweetly. "Sure, Sirius I _can_ tell you now that you have _not _a chance, Remus is _not _gay and I _don't_ wish you all the happiness in the world when you finally get a move on, and do something about this ridiculous situation."

Sirius frowned at the girl and looked to James, who was grinning madly.

"See, I told you," James said smugly.

"James, were you even listening to the same thing as I was?" Sirius asked. "And when did you go and tell bloody Evans, Merlin knows how many people she's already-"

"Well, excuse me, see that James. I told you, no faith in me what-so-ever. I can see why you need my expertise with this idiot, but really-"

"Expertise? Oh, so you know all about gay crushes do you? Had a few yourself I suppose, you know I always thought you and Rubella-"

"Shut up!" James yelled, silencing them both. When the two finally looked contrite enough, he continued as if there had been no interruption. "Look, Lily had a conversation-"

"You mean I _didn't_ have a conversation," Lily interrupted.

"Right, right, Lily '_didn't'_," here James quoted the 'didn't' with his fingers, while his voice dropped to accommodate the falsity of the remark before going on, "have a conversation with Remus, who '_didn't'_," James performed the appallingly unsubtle hand gestures yet again, "admit he was gay."

Sirius glanced at them both as they watched him expectantly, and when he just stared back, Lily continued. "You know, Black, if my word and James' word isn't enough for you, perhaps we should get it in blood, written in Remus' hand," Lily suggested flippantly. "And now, if you'll excuse me gentleman, my lesbian lover awaits." Lily smirked as she walked over to where her friend Rubella was waiting.

Sirius frowned as Lily left for the girls' dorm, after exchanging goodnights with James; unable to think up a reason why they were saying this. A movement caught his eye, and he watched Remus quickly leave the common room, looking a little upset. Sirius wondered what was wrong with the boy and nearly followed, until he remembered their situation.

"James, did you read the book?" he asked wearily, as he dropped down into an armchair opposite James, no longer trying to fight against the absurd suggestion.

James nodded quickly. "Yes I did, and Sirius did _you_ read it? Did you see the last passage?"

Sirius frowned, and shook his head, remembering he'd been too angry to continue reading, just wanting to fling the evidence of Remus' love away from himself.

"Well, perhaps you should." James gave him a piece of paper, and Sirius saw it was the passage he'd started to read.

_'The wolf, when threatened, takes over completely and the darker half of the werewolf controls the situation until calmed. This calm is usually achieved when certain conditions are met, one of these being the safety of the mate. The werewolf is only usually provoked to act at its most violent if the potential mate is in danger. Any aggressor is lucky if they escape alive from the werewolf's uncontrollable urge to kill the threat….' _

"What? But that can't be right…." Sirius muttered, as his eyes raked over the page again and again. "There must be some kind of mistake."

Sirius looked up at an annoyed hiss, and saw James glaring at him angrily.

"What is wrong with you, Padfoot; you, who is always so confident? Why are you acting all coy now? You are Remus' mate, and it is only _you_ who's in the way of both your happiness."

Sirius miserably gazed at the page again, his mind focused on James' words, and those written in front of him.

"I know James, but it's Remus y'know?" Sirius looked up at his friend, eyes shining with sadness. "I can't lose him."

James nodded solemnly, and patted his friend awkwardly on the arm.

"I know Padfoot, I know. And for that I have a plan, one that will show you the truth for sure," James said, with a grin.

-

Remus had awoken that morning to a very disturbing conversation that had refused to leave his mind. He'd thought of it so many times over the day, he couldn't even remember what his last class had been, and he sat down in the common room as dazedly as he had got up this morning.

He had just woken up, frowning a little at the voices that invaded his ears, and stirred him from his sleep.

"So, I saw you and Eve getting pretty comfy last night, Sirius. What's that all about then?" James's voice asked cheerfully.

Remus had stiffened suddenly at the girl's name, and anxiously waited for Sirius' reply.

"Oh you know, nothing much," Sirius answered.

Remus relaxed and scolded himself for being so paranoid.

"Nothing much, you told me last night that you were going to go for it!" James exclaimed.

Remus' breath had caught in his throat, and his thoughts denied what his ears told him.

"Well, yeah, but we'll just have to see won't we?" came Sirius's falsely modest reply.

James laughed. "You know she's all yours whenever you want her, you cocky bastard."

Sirius laughed. "I know."

Remus listened with dismay as James continued his teasing, and Sirius seemed to respond to it happily, never denying his attraction to Eve. After they'd gone, Remus opened his curtains, only to come face to face with Peter who looked to have come in order to wake him.

"Did you hear that? Lucky git, Eve Ryan is incredibly hot," Peter muttered darkly, as he went over to dress.

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Yes, she is," Remus murmured despondently, eyes locked to the door where Sirius and James had just exited. "Very."

Remus still refused to believe it. Sirius and Eve? It couldn't be, Sirius was better than that little tart, he wouldn't get taken in by her.

Remus was ready to accept that Sirius might eventually fall for someone who was not himself, but not when it was someone so unsuitable for Sirius.

Remus was suddenly aware of James and Peter, who made their way over to him, talking and laughing as they walked.

"Hello, Remus," James greeted him cheerfully.

Remus nodded to him distractedly, while his eyes were still trained on the door.

"Who are you looking for?" Peter asked, as he too craned his head to watch the door.

"Oh, just for Sir-"

And there he was.

With.

That.

_Tart_.

"Remus?"

Remus ignored the tentative question, and continued to watch as Eve suddenly 'stumbled' and Sirius quickly caught her, bringing her into his arms carefully, so she didn't fall.

Remus' hands clenched and his nails dug into his palms, as he saw the girl coyly touch Sirius' hair and giggle her thanks.

Remus' nails dug deeper.

Sirius smiled at her and gestured to a seat that was unoccupied and sat down.

Remus breathed out slowly, it was all right; she couldn't really do anything when sitting beside hi-

Remus couldn't help as the growl escaped when Eve's second bout of 'clumsiness' struck, and she fell right into Sirius' lap.

"Remus?"

Remus ignored his name as his eyes narrowed with fury, when Eve suddenly leaned into Sirius, her lips pressing against his and-

Remus stood up and stormed passed the couple. He turned, just before he left the room and saw he'd got Sirius' attention by his quick exit; his angry eyes met curious grey ones, and with that, he turned and raced out of the common room, trying to get as far from the sight of Sirius as possible. Yet the scene was scorched into his mind, and kept playing over and over, despite how far he walked, and it seemed the fury with which he condemned it, angrily burnt his flushed cheeks. He only realised the burning was actually his own hot tears when he ran out into the Hogwarts grounds, and the cool night air blew his tears cold.

Tears continued to drip from his treacherous eyes, and Remus dropped beneath a tree near the forest's edge, finally letting his grief pour out and be known to the world, his keening sobs of loss echoing in the lonely night, eerily reminiscent of his own lupine howls.

He'd lost him. He hadn't even had him, but he'd lost him, and now Remus would be doomed to the last few months of his life watching Sirius love another.

-

Sirius grimaced as Eve's weight came crashing down on top of him, and she smiled up at him in what she probably thought was a winsome manner. Sirius smiled back at her, and his eyes flickered over to where Remus sat. Sirius was surprised to find that the boy looked ready to commit murder, and it was this distraction that allowed Eve to finally get her chance.

The girl leaned down and kissed him, pulling him into what he considered to be one of the most disgusting kisses anyone could have ever experienced.

Sirius felt someone rush past them, and he looked up to see Remus' slender form dashing to the door. Before he left, the boy turned around, and Sirius was amazed to see tears shining in Remus' eyes. Remus gave Sirius such an injured look as he fled that Sirius cursed himself.

"Oh, shit," Sirius said, as he pushed Eve off him, who dropped to the floor with an accusing yell.

James came up to him, looking angry.

"Sirius, that was not in the plan!" the boy frowned. "I can't believe you'd do something like that – do you believe me now? Now that you've probably torn Remus' heart to pieces?"

"James, I didn't do that, it was her." Sirius pointed at the irate girl, who was picking herself off the floor with as much dignity as she could muster.

"Oh please," Eve snorted, and with that she walked off and accidentally fell into another boy's lap.

Sirius looked at James pleadingly.

"Honestly James, it's not my fault the bloody harpy wanted more action than I could give her," Sirius said darkly as he looked at said harpy.

"Well, you'd better go after him and explain," James said.

Sirius nodded his head quickly, and then seemed to become a little dazed. "He really does like me, doesn't he? You weren't making it up."

James grinned and smacked Sirius upside the head, and pressed the map into his hands that he'd just got from his bag.

"Go on, you silly mutt, before he changes his mind," James said, laughing as Sirius took off quickly, losing no more time.

-

"Remus!"

Remus looked up through blurred vision, and saw a figure jogging towards him. He wearily pulled his knees up, and hugged himself, and shook his head, his forehead dropping to rest on his knees, soaking the material where his tears fell.

He couldn't deal with this now, not now, not him.

Anyone else but him.

"Remus," the voice was closer now, and Remus noticed that he had slowed to a walk.

He tightened his hold on his legs, and screwed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, trying to stop seeing the person that had put them there.

"Remus."

Remus jumped, when the voice whispered his name so closely, and he stood up, backing away from the voice he could no more ignore than he could his own thoughts.

"Remus, please, what's wrong?"

Remus shook his head, the tears still falling, yet now silently, and with less desperation, as if the very sight of his problem was a solution.

"Remus, tell me what the matter is, please. I'm your friend."

Remus raised his eyes to Sirius, and he saw there the awkward desperation of a boy who had no idea of what to do.

"Leave me alone, Sirius. You can't do anything," Remus said quietly.

Sirius stepped forward with a frown.

"No, I know I can, so why won't you just tell me, and make this easier on us both?"

Remus snapped, and pushed Sirius back against the tree where he'd wept for the same boy.

"Don't presume to tell me what I can or can't do – this isn't easy, Sirius," Remus growled, his eyes flashing golden in the darkness of the evening. "This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through in my life, and if I tell you, you will hate me forever."

"I could never hate you Moony," Sirius said sincerely, his eyes watching the pain in the smaller boy. "I accept you completely, as my friend, as my love… as my mate."

Remus' eyes widened at what the boy just said, so surely, so strongly that he took a step back from the other. They were words that he'd secretly desired to hear from Sirius for what had seemed like forever. The golden flecks faded from his eyes, and he stared at Sirius, looking like a lost child that didn't understand what was being said.

"Remus?" Sirius asked unsurely, stepping forward hesitantly. "I'm in love with you."

Sirius slowly reached out a hand, and stroked the slender boy's soft cheek, following the trails of new tears that trickled down pale skin. When Remus didn't stop him and only looked up at him with a strange mix of disbelief and wonder, Sirius smiled encouragingly and brought Remus chin up. He leant down and touched his friend's soft lips briefly with his own, before pulling away and watching the boy's reaction.

Remus continued to look at Sirius in an incomprehensible manner. Had he just said what he thought he had said? Had he just _done_ what he thought he'd done? It couldn't be, a werewolf's life was the life of sorrow, of disappointment and misery. This could not happen.

"Eve…." Remus whispered, with a confused frown.

A guilty looked fleetingly crossed Sirius face, and he gave Remus a worried smile.

"I needed to be sure you liked me back. I'm sorry if I hurt you, Remus. I just couldn't believe that you would-"

Remus cut the boy off by pulling him into another kiss, a questioning brush of the lips that required an answer, the only answer Remus really needed. Sirius sensed the boy's need and quickly responded, his strong hands pulling the slender boy into his body, showing Remus just how sure of an answer he could be.

Sirius gently coaxed Remus' mouth open, and his tongue slipped inside the other's surprised mouth. Remus followed Sirius' lead uncertainly, and copied what the other boy did, eventually getting the idea and the awkward little kiss soon became a desperate expression of their mutual affection, a final output for all their locked up passion.

Sirius tightened his hold on Remus possessively, as he kissed the boy with almost a predatory pleasure. Remus' slender hands slid their way up Sirius' back, coming at a stop on his shoulders where they held tightly, the grasp narrating the fear with which Remus held of the reality concerning his newfound happiness.

"Why are you crying?" Sirius whispered as they broke of their kiss, his nose nuzzling Remus' wet cheek.

"I'm not, anymore," Remus whispered back, a small smile appearing on his face, before looking a little anxious. "Sirius, do you know-"

"I now everything, how you went through the change, how you need a mate, how… I'm that mate?" Sirius asked, looking into amber eyes for confirmation.

Remus nodded, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks.

"I also know how this process is supposed to be completed," Sirius whispered in Remus' ear.

Remus pulled back from the boy, and looked up at the other with shocked eyes.

"I want you, Remus, and I want you to know that I love you, and will do so for all my life, so you needn't ever worry I will abandon you," Sirius said solemnly.

Remus glanced up at Sirius in disbelief.

"You really want this… me? You're not just doing it out of some kind of pity?" Remus whispered, uncertainly.

Sirius growled and softly stroked Remus' tawny locks.

"If there is one feeling I will never feel for you, it is pity. I love you, Remus, and I want you, forever."

Remus couldn't help but smile happily as Sirius once again kissed him with the same passion he'd shown earlier.

Sirius trailed biting kisses down Remus' smooth neck, reveling in the small noises the boy made, as he continued his assault. Sirius found his arousal for the boy in his arms, growing at an alarming rate, and he couldn't stop himself from suddenly pushing Remus against the tree the boy had previously had him cornered at.

"Sirius," Remus whispered, his breath hitching as Sirius' hands ran down his body, almost worshipping.

"Remus. Merlin, I want you," Sirius growled as he covered the slender boy with furious kisses that were just as passionately returned.

"So, take me then," Remus whispered to Sirius, gasping when the other boy ground against him, making them both flush with a new type of excitement.

"Are you sure?" Sirius moaned as he moved slightly, the clothes between the two hardly a barrier against their lust.

Remus answered with a hard kiss, and arched up into his lover and both moaned with desperation at the ache they felt for each other.

Remus and Sirius suddenly became violent in their need for bare flesh, something primitive seizing them both. Their wild lust for each other was the only thing they could think about. This was no ordinary pleasure game, Sirius and Remus both knew. This desperation that cried for satisfaction of their love, originated from a process that was about to be completed.

Sirius tore the last of the material from Remus' body and looked at his pale love, and Remus watched the hunger creep into those smoky grey eyes as the other naked boy gazed at him. Remus knew the hunger Sirius expressed was also mirrored in his own eyes, and his breath caught in his throat as Sirius pushed him to the ground; the boys collapsing on the cold grass, the surrounding night the only cover of their lovemaking.

Remus responded to Sirius' kisses with his own gasping hunger, and his breath hitched as he felt a questing finger against his opening. The tawny-haired boy whimpered slightly at the alien feeling, only to soon forget the discomfort as Sirius covered his mouth with reassuring kisses, and another hand caressed a much more sensitive part of his body. The pain soon melted away, and suddenly the finger brushed against something that made him yelp with pleasure. Sirius, sensing the boy's surprised ecstasy repeated the action and smiled, as the boy beneath him gave a deep moan that had Sirius harder than ever. Sirius continued his probing, adding another finger and slowly stretching Remus so that he would be able to easily accommodate him

Remus writhed under Sirius' clever, clever hands, and he moaned when the boy suddenly stopped. Sirius shushed him gently, and put a knee in between two pale legs, and Remus understanding the action instinctively, spread his legs and bit his lip as Sirius settled there, giving Remus a reassuring smile.

Remus smiled back, knowing he was safe with his dark-haired lover, and closed his eyes, as Sirius began to push into him.

Sirius moved slowly, cautiously, kissing Remus and whispered reassuring words into the boy's small ears.

Remus opened his eyes as Sirius finally pushed inside him completely and returned Sirius' fevered kisses with overwhelming affection. It hurt, but the pain was fading and already he could feel that spot inside him aching to be touched once more.

Remus tightened his hold on Sirius' shoulders as the boy slowly started to move. So very slowly, that at first both Remus and Sirius bit their lips from the terrible friction it produced. They both moaned as Sirius thrust into Remus a little sharper than intended, and Sirius soon began to move quicker, giving in to the desperate lust that he'd been holding back all this time.

Remus mewled as Sirius thrust faster and deeper inside him, colliding with that spot again and again until he felt he would explode. Both boys groaned as they both moved in sync, fast and hard as their climax reached its peak and both rode it out with pleasure-filled moans.

Sirius rolled off Remus and then pulled the boy to him. Remus nestled in his embrace with a satisfied sigh, Sirius slowly caressed his hair and he smiled sleepily, feeling a contentedness he'd never truly felt before.

"You do realise you're mine forever now, don't you?" Remus murmured into Sirius' warm chest.

"And you realise you're mine completely, also forever?" Sirius asked the boy, grinning at his new and only love.

Remus smiled as he looked up into Sirius' eyes, feeling an astonishing sensation.

"I can feel you," Remus said, amazed.

Sirius looked at him, puzzled, but then too discovered the unfamiliar presence that seemed to be melded with his own mind.

"You're happy," Sirius said, with cheerful astonishment.

"And so are you," Remus said, almost with disbelief.

"Of course I am Remus, I love you."

Remus smiled again, feeling for the first time in his life that he could be certain of those words, when he felt the warmth behind that affectionate thought.

"I love you too," Remus said.

Both boys closed their eyes, happy with the ending they had found. Their bond, though still a new, would grow into something so strong that not even death could break it. Their lives, though filled with countless difficulties and adventures much rather forgotten than recalled, ended happily, as they both had the one thing they'd longed for most: each other.

-

_To be continued…_


	13. Epilogue

**A Mate **

**Epilogue**

It was different this time.

Skin started to shiver, the heat and pain blended as the flesh twisted, bones cracked and muscles contorted as the change began. Hair sprouted all over, and the face stretched into a snout, feral golden eyes flashing as the wolf took over.

The pain stopped as the new creature rose in the place of the old, stretching and sniffing in the darkness. The moonlight shone through the cracks in the boards of the prison, illuminating another creature that was present in the room. The wolf howled with ferocious delight at the creature, the howl ringing out in the silence of the night. Another joined in with the howl, and two cries could be heard, a question and an answer. The wolf's call rose higher with other's as they both sang out into the night. Finally, the wolf had got what was needed most.

A mate.

-

**THE END**

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**Author's note:** Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading this! And also for all the wonderful, encouraging reviews and emails that people have written for this story. Also, to my beta's yet again, thank you! Finally it is done. Another finished – yeay! I hoped you all enjoyed it!


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